SPREADING THE WORD

I have been invited to speak at an annual gathering of 40 local mental health professionals and paraprofessionals. I am very excited since this provides me with the opportunity to share my anti-stigma campaign with people who work in the field. My ultimate goal is to have professionals use my documentary during the recovery process. Before I speak, I will display my canvas paintings along with accompanying audio (on headsets). I will also display my large scale posters of Joshua and talk about how family has played a large part in his recovery. 

I think it is important to take this opportunity to discuss my thoughts about the mental health system. My family (along with many others) have been shut out of treatment, especially during psychotic episodes. I think it will be good for professionals to understand what we experience from a very frightening and helpless point of view. Finally, I will present the first ever footage of my next documentary. I am no where near the end of editing (thanks to the pregnancy :), but I think a sneak peak will be a great way to show the professionals what to expect. I would like to thank Peter at Friendship House for giving me this opportunity to reach even more open minds! 

IN OUR OWN VOICE

I think it's wonderful that more and more people are coming forward to fight stigma. I recently learned about the program "In Our Own Voice" through NAMI. This educational program allows people who have struggled with mental illness to be seen as courageous and confident individuals. Please read the following description of the program to learn more! I only hope that my work can make the same impact. 

GOSSIP, SHAME AND HYPOCRISY

I have mentioned Perez Hilton before and his discriminating ways. Of course he is just a gossip columnist but what's worse is that he attracts millions of readers. This means his opinions could sway others who may not have developed a view on a particular subject. Perez is notorious for stereotyping those who seek medical help for any mental disorder. I find this very hypocritical coming from a man who is FIGHTING for the rights of gays and lesbians (which I agree with). You can't have it both ways Perez.

A few months ago, Mischa Barton was pretty much forced to explain a hospital stay since it involved being admitted to a psychiatric ward. When someone hears PSYCHIATRIC all those negative connotations come to mind. Connotations that have been fueled by stigma. This is sad to me since many people (including my brother) receive much needed treatment from this section of a hospital. Yet, the public continues to stereotype those who set foot into a psychiatric ward. This angers me too no end. Unfortunately, I've seen too many forgotten souls roaming the halls of these hospitals with little to no family support. Would family suddenly forget about their loved ones if they were suffering from cancer or heart disease? I think not. 

The following was posted on PerezHilton.com after Mischa made a comment about her hospital stay (copy in bold is from Perez).

""I went through a tough spot where everything compounded on me, and it was like a perfect storm, like everything was happening to me at once," says the wacktress. 

It seems that before Mischa was scheduled to begin filming her new CW show, Beautiful Life, she had done some extensive traveling on top of having a botched wisdom tooth surgery! And then she turned to coke?! Because they don't hospitalize or grant you a police escort for stress!!

"I had to get through it without proper painkillers because I couldn't take those during work," she says of the dental procedure. "So it's been a nightmare." "I was down in the dumps about everything there for a while," divulges Mushy. "Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom about things and have to get the most stressed out just to feel better again. I got completely stressed out and couldn’t handle everything, and now I feel really in control."

Because of her psychiatric stint at Cedar Sinai last month and we don't find it very convincing. We're not surprised life was difficult for her without drugs! Mischa denies she suffered a mental breakdown. Awww, honey. Denial is not one of the steps of recovery. The truth will set you free! Yeah, she might be OK. It's a slippery slope, though, when these starlets start to loose it. Welcome to the Mushy Mischa Meltodown Watch 2009!"

Why is it so convenient and acceptable to put someone DOWN for accepting medical treatment? I am sick of how we force shame onto an individual when it comes to any sort of mental health issue. It makes me sick but I will continue to try and change attitudes for the better. For now, I guess most people won't get it until they have experience the utter despair that results from either dealing with an unwanted mental disorder or watching a loved one fight everyday to manage their recovery. These individuals are courageous, yet no one is courageous enough to tell them so. WE HAVE TO END THE HATE.

A SNEAK PEAK AT THE LITTLE ONE

I want to thank everyone for their well wishes. As you can see from the fuzzy image above, we are expecting our first baby in April. I am about 15 weeks and will find out if it's a girl or boy in a month.If it is a boy, I have decided to make his middle name Joshua (after my brother). He will have a great uncle:) 

As I take all my vitamins, get plenty of rest and exercise, I will always have in the following thought in the back of my mind. Will my child develop a mental illness? I do not fear this possibility because of shame, rather, I know what it is like to see someone you love struggle with a mental illness. In my parent's case, they were not aware that mental illness runs in the family. I think this is due to the fact that some relatives did not identify mental illness or ignored it (by chalking it up to strange behavior). In my case, my siblings are very aware and my immediate family is very open to discuss this topic (which I am grateful for). But once you are aware of a genetic link, it is only natural to have worries here and there. I am learning not to dwell on these thoughts because in the end, I do believe we are given what we can handle. All I can do is be prepared. 

I am so excited to raise my child with the awareness and sensitivity towards those who have a mental illness. My husband and I will have so much to teach and express. We look forward to immersing our child in culture, music, art, and so much more! I will keep you updated. Thank you again for your support, especially with my brother! It is nice to know he is not alone.

One last thing, I just heard that my brother may be working part time through a program with the hospital. I am so happy and proud of him!!

TIME AND HOPE

Someone once said that time and hope are all you can depend on when mental illness touches your family. That person could not have been more insightful. This past weekend was quite eventful for my family. One, my brother was finally released from the hospital (after a seven month stay). Second, I surprised my family with the news that my husband and I are expecting  our first baby. What made the announcement even more meaningful was the fact that my brother was there to hear it. And finally, Josh met his niece for the very first time.

I know now that part of Josh's improvement occurred shortly after his return home from the hospital. He could not WAIT to be out of that confined institution. I understand how spending most of your young adulthood in a mental hospital can actually hinder recovery. If anything, I hope Josh realizes that working on recovery will keep him out of that place. 

Upon his release, Josh finally shaved his beard and cut his hair. Two things he refused to do while in the hospital. I think that was his way of regaining control since everyone was telling him what to do and when to do it. Now that he is home, it is like we have the old Josh back. He was able to hold his niece for the very first time. It's hard to believe that months ago, when he became an uncle, he did not believe we were his family members or that he had a niece. It is amazing how you have to force yourself to ignore these delusions. I still remember when my sister was still pregnant and we came to town to attend a family meeting. He looked at us with a blank stare and said he was not our brother and in no way would her baby be related to him. Of course, it was hard to hold back the tears at that moment but not because he hurt our feelings, rather, we realized how strong of a hold this illness had on our brother. 

Me, Joshua, Whitney and our niece Arden, my mom made Arden's hat, sweater and booties:)

Joshua is the most sensitive, kind and loyal person I have ever known. I am not surprised that this illness continues to take advantage of him. I hope that in the future he will think of the time he first held his niece in his arms. Maybe that moment will give him strength to fight this illness and choose recovery. After all, it is up to him and only him. We are simply here to help guide his way, nothing more nothing less. 

LET THE EDITING BEGIN!

Well, filming is complete but now lies the very exciting and demanding job of editing. There are so many artistic avenues to raise awareness, I can not stick to just one:) Some say a movie is made during editing. I agree with this. I have about 4 hours of interviews and other material which will be condense down into a 1-2 hour documentary. I have so many ideas of how I will weave these very inspiring stories together. Since I have a very obsessive attitude when it comes to my work, I know that many of my nights will be spent in front of my iMac as I try to perfect the flow of this  film. I can't imagine that others will not be moved by these different yet similar points of views (as expressed by the interviewees). Just to give you an idea of what to expect, here are descriptions of the participants:

• A young woman who was diagnosed with schizophrenia 10 years ago. Her story is proof that recovery is possible. Plus, her courage to speak out against stigma will show others that NO ONE should be silence by ignorance or fear.

• A mother who's  son was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 10 years ago. Her point of view is unique since she is fighting to raise awareness so that her son can live a life with dignity and respect. I connected with her right away since I want the same for my brother.

• A young man who was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder about 10 years ago. Aside from his positive attitude towards recovery and life, this man's artwork and poems are sure to show how perseverance can aid in recovery.

• A mother who lost a son to suicide but keeps his spirit alive by raising awareness wherever she can. I am very honored to be able to share her story since suicide carries a much harsher stigma. Like myself, this woman believes that raising awareness about all mental illness can and will prevent suicide.

Well, I will be working hard and keeping all of you in mind as I continue on my journey. Thank you again for all of your support:)

A WORK IN PROGRESS

I continue to be inspired by everyone I meet along this journey to fight stigma. I was asked to show the first edition of my documentary last night, even though at this point, I am focused on the content of the second edition. As a creative director and artist, I am subject to all sorts of criticism. It's part of the job:) Part of my growth as an artist involves the consideration of this criticism. I am known to be very stubborn and strong willed, but I am working on this. A few of the attendees expressed some VERY good points. All of  which I will take into deep consideration. There were parts of the film which show how mental illness can lead to suicide. I realize that I do not want my final film to dwell on this very unfortunate circumstance. 

When I created the first edition, I was immersed in the reality that my  brother had attempted suicide three times. My mind set at the time did not allow for too much hope and I was most likely dealing with my own depression. We were in the thick of my brother's psychosis. However, as he continues to improve and I continue to meet so many survivors, I am more focused on sending a positive message. Don't get me wrong, my first edition is full of positivity and I am happy with the outcome. But I have a unique task at hand. I must express my own personal views on this social issue while being a voice for millions. I would like to let everyone know that I am so excited about my second edition since it's message will be one of hope, courage and strength. I will do my best to make all of your proud.