Gaining Insight

2011-10-27T08:56:00.001-07:00

SARATOGA COUNTY AGING AND DISABILITY NETWORK MEETING

The following is an article I wrote for the Saratoga Citizen's Committee for Mental Health's biannual newsletter. After speaking at the Saratoga County Aging and Disability Network meeting, I was asked to summarize my experience (I've served as a SCCCMH board member for three years):

As an advocate for mental health awareness, I'm appreciative of any opportunity that comes my way. Having been involved with the Saratoga Community Citizen's Committee for Mental Health for three years, I'm able to advocate on a local level. Thanks to our dedicated president, Peggy Lounsbury, I was selected to speak at the Saratoga County Aging and Disability Network meeting (spring 2011). Their mission, “To promote community awareness of the programs and services available to Saratoga County residents who are aging and/or disabled, and their caregivers, so as to better meet the needs of these ever increasing populations.” But I had to ask the question. How could a mental health advocate contribute to their mission? It was an eye opening experience, to say the least. My view of recovery was reinforced. My brother was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia over five years ago. Society needs to understand that the act of overcoming this type of disability is what makes my brother (along with many others) a true inspiration.

Most people develop mental illness during their 20's-30's. My speech would focus on how disability impacts the life of a rather unassuming, young adult. I also described to the group how sudden onset of this disease can impact an entire family.

My brother's first brush with psychosis occurred while studying abroad, during his last semester of college. Up until that point, his future was bright. He could do almost anything he set his mind to. With four sisters, my brother was the last male to carry on the family name. To say that we had expectations would be an understatement. Not only was he highly intelligent, but extremely kind to others. We still ask ourselves, did we miss the warning signs? Could we have prevented this from happening? It took a long time to accept reality. In the end, we came to realize that no one could predict my brother's fate.

I pointed out that this type of disability did not result from a gradual progression. For many, an acute psychotic break is the equivalent to hitting a brick wall. Reality is lost or at the very least, left hanging by a thread. How could such a delightful young man be robbed of the most promising chapter in his life? How can a 21 year old be forced to live on Medicaid and SSI? My empathy has always run very deep. I still recall a time when my brother refused to take a volunteer position at the local vet. He was embarrassed. He said, "what will they say when they see I have a BS degree in political science?" My heart sank. It must be very difficult to swallow your pride, time and time again.

A decrease in normal function has so much to do with what are called negative symptoms. "They commonly include flat or blunted affect and emotion, poverty of speech (alogia), inability to experience pleasure (anhedonia), lack of desire to form relationships (asociality), and lack of motivation (avolition). Research suggests that negative symptoms contribute more to poor quality of life, functional disability, and the burden on others than do positive symptoms." (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizophrenia)

There are very few illnesses which decrease overall function at such a young age. In order to reinforce this message, I played an 8 minute video which illustrates the road to recovery, with the help of my artwork. The negative portrayal of mental illness in the media only reinforces shame and fear. Could you imagine being silenced by stigma? All while you battle an invisible, yet consuming disability. The courage required to reach recovery is unlike anything I've ever seen.

When my presentation ended, I was surprised by the applause, and the questions. I thank Peggy and the Saratoga County Aging and Disability Network for allowing me to speak about a topic that is very close to my heart. They have given me hope that, with a little inspiration, society can embrace those who are less fortunate. Now, more than ever, I am convinced that self expression could make this world a better place, and heal a sister who was overcome with grief. My brother may be viewed as disabled but he has enabled so many to replace fear with empathy and shame with courage.

www.gaining-insight.com

2011-07-21T10:20:00.004-07:00

BUT I HATE POLITICS
Politics have forever been an enigma in my mind. That was until I came face to face with severe mental illness within my family. There is simply no way around government when it comes to the services and programs offered for those with mental illness. "Medicaid currently pays for about half of all public mental health services in the U.S. but Congress is threatening to slash funding by billions." That statement alone drove me to contact US senators and Representatives to vent my frustrations. Budget cuts continue to caused so many programs to suffer. In a world where talk is cheap, I couldn't sit back and get angry. I did something. Below is a letter I received from NY Congressman Chris Gibson. Make your voice heard!

July 20, 2011

Dear Mrs. Osterhout,

Thank you for contacting me regarding the debt limit and its impact on entitlement spending. It is good to hear from you.

The President has asked Congress to increase the statutory debt limit from $14.294 trillion to $16.7 trillion. Simply put, this will give the federal government the authority to borrow more. It is important to note that an increase in the debt ceiling is not an increase in new spending. We have already spent this money, and now it is our responsibility to pay for the debt we have accrued. Just as individuals make mortgage payments to pay off the debt on their homes, the government must make payments to pay off its debt. I believe all Americans have an obligation to contribute funds to cover the federal government's expenses, which is why I voted for a budget proposal that would close tax loopholes and ensure individuals and corporations alike are paying their fair share.

One of the reasons I came to Washington was to combat wasteful spending and the idea that taxpayers' pockets can be treated as endless coffers. That being said, failure to eventually raise the debt ceiling will result in the default of the federal government due to the inability of the Department of Treasury to service our debt payments. In addition, defaulting would likely lead to an increase in interest on our debt, which would, in turn, further increase our massive debt and deficit. Despite my extreme disappointment with the state of our nation's fiscal status, I recognize the need to eventually increase the debt ceiling. However, I am unwilling to vote for such an increase unless it is coupled with significant spending reductions and structural reforms that prove to the American people that Congress is ready to be a responsible caretaker of their tax dollars.

While I am eager to find ways to reduce federal spending, I do not believe Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid cuts to current beneficiaries should be a part of negotiations regarding the debt ceiling increase. I am, and always have been, a strong proponent of these programs. My family, friends and neighbors are recipients, and I understand fully how many folks rely on these benefits to subsist. Those currently receiving benefits have paid into these programs their whole lives with the promise of future benefits. If the government fails to provide those benefits in full, it would be reneging on its promise.

Thus, I was please to support H.R. 2560, the Cut, Cap, and Balance Act, which raised the nation's debt limit when combined with $111 billion in immediate spending cuts, mandatory caps on spending over the next decade tied to gross domestic product (GDP) levels, and the passage of a balanced budget amendment. Our nation is at a crossroads and so far the President and Congress have failed to come to an agreement on how we can increase our debt limit while ensuring we make responsible choices for our future. It became necessary for the House to act and the Cut, Cap, and Balance Act passed the House by a vote of 234-190 on July 19, 2011. Importantly, it makes absolutely no changes to Medicare, Social Security, or Veterans Benefits, and leave open the option of significant cuts in defense spending in future years to bring our budget into balance.

Moving forward, our nation's entitlement programs are facing a severe funding crisis. I look forward to working with my colleagues on both sides of the aisle to reform these programs and ensure their long-term solvency. Medicare and Social Security, along with Medicaid, made up almost 50 percent of all mandatory spending in Fiscal Year 2010, and this share is projected to continue to rise until 2037, when the Congressional Budget Office (CBO) expects complete insolvency not only in these three programs, but also in the whole federal government due to their complete takeover of all spending.

Although we face significant challenges, if we make the right choices, our best days are still in front of us. We need pro-growth, fiscally responsible policies that facilitate job creation and balanced budgets while protecting Medicare and Social Security. As your representative, I will continue to fight for these priorities in Congress.

Thank you again for contacting me with your thoughts, it is always good to hear from my constituents. Your input helps me make informed policy decisions. Please do not hesitate to inform me of your concerns in the future through my website http://gibson.house.gov or over the phone at (202) 225-5614.

Sincerely,
Chris Gibson
Member of Congress

2011-06-19T18:20:00.000-07:00

SUPPORT CAN BE THE BEST FORM OF INSPIRATION

Every so often I receive email from art students. Though I never intended to inspire anyone artistically with the Gaining Insight campaign, it does give my work a little more purpose. Creating the campaign was simply a visceral response to the flurry of emotion I experienced when my brother first became sick. I also never expected to receive email from those who are silenced by stigma or from family members who floundering in sea of emotion. Thank you all for seeing a need to educate others about a topic, most often, swept under the rug. We can all inspire empathy and courage by speaking out. The following is from an art student in the UK:

" Hello, My name is _ and I am currently studying A level art at Colston's in Bristol, UK. I am really interested in the paintings you have created on gaining insight and I especially love the way in which you blend the colours into each other. In your painting Psychosis, I really like how the face is blended into the trouser leg, as if it is a part of him. Also your use of colour and painting technique is beautiful and very inspiring. For my project I am looking at schizophrenia and mental illness and I would really love to ask you some questions if you have some time. I have to look at one particular artist for the project and I am extremely excited to use you as my inspiration for my work. I hope to hear back from you,"

2011-02-14T18:38:00.000-08:00

MENTAL HEALTH AND PRISON:

TWO SYSTEMS WITH SO MANY CRACKS

After reading a few insightful articles (posted by fellow advocate-Bob) I had this nagging feeling to delve into a very complex topic: the rise of mentally ill inmates in prison. In fact, this statistic has quadrupled in the past 6 years alone. Some chilling facts:

• 70% of jail inmates with mental illness are there for NONVIOLENT offenses.

• More than 16% of jail inmates have mental illness (at the end of 2000, nearly 1 million individuals with mental illness were in the criminal justice system).

To learn more about the facts above, check out this link. What's even more shocking is how many inmates are not receiving proper treatment for the severe mental disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and major depression. I will use an empathetic example to put this into perspective. Imagine a loved one who has or had a very serious illness (of any kind). Now imagine if your loved one was forced into a cell with no chance of treatment. This would further intensify the illness and at times lead to death.

The following link details 10 of the Most Misunderstood Mental Health Disorders. "Even though doctors and researchers have made huge strides in their understanding and treatment of mental health disorders, there is still much more to be learned and shared about these complex conditions." (Thank you Christine for the previous link) This lack of understanding infiltrates the prison system thus causing a very large problem that sucks our tax paying dollars down the drain. My fellow advocate, Bob, had a very novel concept, to rethink the prison system all together and put much more money into the mental health system (which right now, has funding cut left and right). Since deinstitutionalization, we NEED a mental health system that truly cares about those affected instead of viewing them as flawed, expendable individuals.

The following addresses mental health funding cuts in more detail. "The National Association of State Mental Health Program Directors estimates that at least $2.1 billion has been cut from state mental health budgets in the last three fiscal years. Adult day treatment centers have been shuttered; subsidies for outpatient counseling, medications and family support services have dried up; case managers have been laid off; and more than 4,000 beds in psychiatric hospitals have closed, according to Michael J. Fitzpatrick, executive director of the National Alliance on Mental Illness. The fiscal squeeze has highlighted the inadequacy of community services to accommodate deinstitutionalization, and waiting lists have grown steadily in many states." Learn more here.

I want you to put yourself in the position of prisoner when reading the following. "Yet across the nation, many prison mental health services are woefully deficient, crippled by understaffing, insufficient facilities, and limited programs. All too often seriously ill prisoners receive little or no meaningful treatment. They are neglected, accused of malingering, treated as disciplinary problems. Without the necessary care, mentally ill prisoners suffer painful symptoms and their conditions can deteriorate. They are afflicted with delusions and hallucinations, debilitating fears, extreme and uncontrollable mood swings. They huddle silently in their cells, mumble incoherently, or yell incessantly. They refuse to obey orders or lash out without apparent provocation. They beat their heads against cell walls, smear themselves with feces, self-mutilate, and commit suicide...Prisons were never intended as facilities for the mentally ill, yet that is one of their primary roles today. Many of the men and women who cannot get mental health treatment in the community are swept into the criminal justice system after they commit a crime. In the United States, there are three times more mentally ill people in prisons than in mental health hospitals..." Learn more here.

And finally, a very well written paper by a Harvard student addressing the violation of basic civil rights of the imprisoned mentally ill.

I actually started to tear up as I read some of these articles because I think of the millions who DID NOT ask to be burdened with severe, debilitating illness yet, they are forced to pay for it. I will not stop until there is understanding, even if it takes an entire lifetime before I see progress. Some say I have too much empathy but how could you not be haunted by the blatant disregard for human life? Those who will spend 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year trying to keep a chronic illness under control, with little support from the general public. I can tell you that a person with severe mental illness will endure and conquer more in a lifetime in order to gain back any self respect or dignity that he/she once had. We are looking at one of the oldest stigmas known to man and something has to change. Thank you!

2011-01-30T10:09:00.000-08:00

A DREAM FINALLY COMING TO FRUITION

I can not begin to describe the excitement I am feeling after receiving some fantastic news. I am a board member on the Saratoga Community Citizen's Committee for Mental Health. Being involved with my community has been so rewarding. I have met so many people who have contributed their time and expertise in the realm of mental health. The president of our board has made it possible for me to connect with local school superintendents so I can discuss my plans to educate high school students about the stigma surrounding mental illness. I have envisioned this for a long time but now it is finally happening. I have to brainstorm my presentation but thankfully I have so much to show them. I have worked really hard during the past 5 years to create film/art/design in attempt to replace shame with courage and fear with empathy. If I can help one student detect mental illness in his/her self, friend, mother, father, sibling, college roommate then I have done my job. People tell me that mental illness has to hit close to home in order to fully understand it, but I disagree. Most mental illness goes undiagnosed (1/4 people will experience a mental health issue in their lifetime). We have a chance to inspire hope with the next generation. I can't wait to keep you all posted on my progress. Wish me luck!!!

2011-01-12T18:49:00.000-08:00

PREVENTING THE INEVITABLE

As a mother with a history of mental illness in the family, it's only natural to wonder why these illnesses develop. A lot of my beliefs are based on science/facts. I truly believe that we can prevent disease with knowledge, nutrition and nurturing. I may be neurotic about a lot of things but being pregnant places a lot of responsibility on the mother. When it comes to having a genetic link to mental illness is your family, you must make sure you are getting enough vitamin D, DHA and (on the horizon) choline. All beneficial to building a healthy fetal brain. You must also understand how environment plays a part in developing the illness. I think that a lot of the choices we make can trigger all sorts of outcomes. I encourage you to read this very interesting article about clues to preventing schizophrenia. Fascinating!

2011-01-02T17:37:00.000-08:00

MOVIES THAT INSPIRE UNDERSTANDING

Every so often a movie comes along and captures mental illness in its most honest and realistic form (something I plan to do with my own documentary). It is necessary for the public to understand the reality of mental illness in order to eliminate stereotypes/discrimination. However, for every one true film their are countless others that hinder recovery and understanding. By fueling stigma through media, we create more damage than entertainment. Below are two trailers that I hope will urge you to watch each film in their entirety. Both films are about two artists with mental illness: The Devil and Daniel Johnston and My name is Alan and I Paint Pictures. I am grateful for the courageous individuals who not only fight a battle from within but try to combat stigma by inspiring hope. May their strength inspire others to come forward and share their own story. (Pretty ironic that Cobain is wearing a Daniel Johnston shirt in photo below since both may have/had bipolar disorder.)

2010-12-13T18:00:00.000-08:00

DAVID BOWIE:
CREATIVE GENIUS AND MENTAL ILLNESS
As a child, I often wondered what attracted me to the arts. I remember filling pages upon pages of sketchbooks in the comfort of my solitude (well, alone my bedroom). I was often teased for listening to classical music starting at the age of 12 but didn't really care. Other times, I would beg my parents to take me to theatrical plays. It was evident that my wandering mind could not be tamed by TV or video games. Instead, I would conjure up some sort of script or variety show which my siblings to bring to life. And yes, I have been called WEIRD more times that I can count.

One task I always find difficult is trying to turn my mind OFF. To this day, I still have this intense need to create at ALL times (sewing, painting, directing, drawing, designing (interior/graphic/textile), the list goes on). Some may view creativity as a blessing but trust me, it can be a curse. If I sit for too long, I feel like I am a failure...unproductive. As soon as I saw a genetic link between mental illness and my family, I began to understand why my own mind would not rest.

While researching for a documentary, I have yet to finish, I discovered how many artists are haunted by the same genetic link to mental illness. I understand their need to release pain/creativity through various forms of art. As soon as my brother became ill and fear of the unknown was looming, I turned to art & design to make my mind calm again. You can see/hear the result here. David Bowie (one of my idols) has stated that there is a strong link to mental illness within his family. The following are a few facts to support this claim:

“David’s mother, Peggy, a former cinema usher, was more colorful. According to several reliable witnesses and institutional records, there was more than a streak of mental instability in her family. Bowie’s Aunt Una suffered from clinical depression and schizophrenia, underwent electric shock treatment and died in her late 30s. A second aunt, Vivienne, suffered a schizophrenic attack, and a third, Nora, was lobotomized in an effort to cure what her mother described as ‘bad nerves’.

Unfortunately, the family “condition”, as it was known, was again at work. In his mid-20s, Terry, David's half brother, was diagnosed as a manic depressive and schizophrenic, and was eventually institutionalized. One snowy morning in January 1985, he climbed over the wall of a psychiatric hospital in Surrey and walked to the nearby station, where he lay down on the track directly in the path of the oncoming London express train.

Terry was 47. David didn’t attend the funeral but sent a wreath of roses and a card which read: “You’ve seen more things than we could imagine but all these moments will be lost, like tears washed away by the rain. God bless you - David.”

Eight years later Bowie admitted: “It scared me. I felt my own mind was in question. I often wondered how near the line I was going - how far I should push myself.” Ziggy and the other characters, he explained, had been “alternative egos”, a form of madness through which he had meant to preserve his sanity. David Bowie never crossed the divide into mental illness. But he shared a number of the quirks shown by his maternal family. He would suddenly burst into tears, for example, and was said to have had a particularly active imagination. One family friend told me that, as a four or five-year-old, David had phoned to summon the local ambulance one night, and successfully persuaded the operator that he was “dying”.

That Bowie was conscious of his heritage seems obvious from the number of songs he wrote touching on lunacy or schizophrenia. Of the Oh! You Pretty Things lyrics, Bowie said: “I hadn’t been to an analyst - my parents went, my brothers and sisters and my aunts and uncles and cousins, they did that. They ended up in a much worse state. I thought I’d write my problems out.”

I am in no way trying to comparing my artistic talents to that of Bowie but think it is interesting how creativity may be genetically linked to mental illness. When it comes to the illness, I guess I will always wonder why statistics chose my brother instead of me. If I could take even part of this from him, I would.

2010-12-06T11:55:00.000-08:00

NOTHING TO GLEE ABOUT
NAMI's Monthly Stigma Buster alerted me of the following:

Fox Television's Emmy-winning musical comedy, Glee, stepped into stigma for its November 16 episode, entitled "The Substitute", which mocked and trivialized bipolar disorder--and included imaginary violence as humor.

Actress Gwyneth Paltrow, as substitute teacher Holly Holliday, played Mary Todd Lincoln- wife of Abraham Lincoln- as part of a history lesson. In the video link (above), the short scene begins at the 39:10 minute mark. The transcript and dialogue reads:
Holly Holliday is standing at the front of class room dressed in 19th century clothing, lecturing to a high school class.

Holly Holliday: Mary Todd Lincoln in the house! My husband was probably gay and I'm bipolar, which makes me yell things like [pointing to a teapot], 'That teapot is spreading lies about me! Or, that can't be my baby because I don't love it! [throws imaginary baby over shoulder]
Mr. Schuester knocks on the door and asks Holly Holliday to speak with him for a moment.
Holly Holliday: Guys, practice your bipolar rants. See, history can be fun!

Please contact Fox TV and the director of the episode to express disappointment with the scene. Mental illness is not a joke. Would the show have included a scene that played AIDS or cancer for laughs?

Glee has enormous power to influence young people who constitute much of the show's audience-and for whom suicide is the third-leading cause of death. Ask the show to make amends by producing episodes that deal with mental illness accurately and compassionately and include themes of recovery.

Fox TV: Email address for comments on shows
Ryan Murphy (Glee creator, director, writer):  Ryan Murphy Productions  5555 Melrose Ave  Chevalier Bldg.  Los Angeles, CA 90038  Phone: 323-956-5000  Fax: 323-862-2121

2010-12-01T16:36:00.000-08:00

DR. DREW PINSKI:
EXPLOITER OR STIGMA FIGHTER?
What should one think of a doctor who opts to treat his patients in front of America instead of in the privacy of his office? I wonder how a doctor could throw ethics and confidentiality out the window in order to increase ratings. Of course, I am talking about the now famous, Dr. Drew Pinsky.

I first heard about Dr. Drew while watching MTV's "Loveline" (the show began in 1983 but still airs on radio). Back in the 90's Dr. Drew used his expertise to answer questions from America's youth. These questions usually centered around relationships, sexuality, drug addiction, etc. I found the show to be interesting because complete strangers would divulge their personal issues for everyone to hear. I guess you could say it was the beginning of reality TV for me. However, it wasn't until "Celebrity Rehab" hit the air waves that I really began to pay attention.

"Celebrity Rehab" began around the time my brother was being immersed into a sea of his own psychiatrists, case managers, nurses, doctors, therapists, etc. I found myself watching because part of me wondered what it must be like for my brother to work on his own recovery one on one with a psychiatrist. But, the other part of me couldn't stop questioning Dr. Drew's motives for the show. Was he exploiting these celebrities to increase his own celebrity? Or was he really trying to show America that it was OK to seek treatment? Stigma is one of the main reasons why individuals will avoid treatment. The media has done a very good job of exploiting mental illness so it is only natural to deny that you may need professional help. In a way, I was glad that finally, someone was showing America first hand, that mental health should never be viewed as black and white. You can't just slap on a band aid and hope for the best. There are far too many layers for a doctor to pull away in order to deal with the root of a mental health issue.

The problem with our society is that we view mental illness as a weakness or flaw when in fact it takes lots of courage, many years of treatment and a deep personal discovery in order to reach recovery. At times, some of these real life situations are a matter of life and death. But it is good for those who are "unaware" to understand the severity of these cases. This will inspire understanding and empathy.

Dr. Drew recently said in an interview that people question his motives since the show falls under the category of "reality TV". In hind sight, he thinks he should have styled the show as a documentary. Maybe then, the "stigma" surrounding reality TV wouldn't cloud judgment or cause people to question his motives. These are small yet necessary steps towards acceptance. The more we discuss these issues the better we will become at combating exploitative media. Freedom of speech needs to be used as a tool to educate, not as a tool for the media to shove fear and horror down our throats. Just another reason why I won't watch the news. Always consumed with the negative. We must surround ourselves with positivity in order to inspire positivity.

2010-11-18T12:13:00.000-08:00

THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT
I had no idea that a little post on my employer's blog would call attention from those around the globe. If interested, check out this link for my boss' take on my little project. The comments just remind me that these illnesses can impact individuals of any creed, race, etc.

On another positive note, my brother has been out of the hospital for almost a year now. It may have taken a while to reach stability, but he has come a long way. It may sound odd, but last week was the first time he actually talked to me and ASKED ME questions for a change:) He hasn't really talked to any of his siblings in almost 12 months. I hope people do not take these little things for granted with their own loved ones. With most other illnesses, you may always wonder the outcome, but you rarely loose your connections with the person when he/she is right there in front of you. It is almost like the person is gone emotionally but there physically. Like a walking coma. I cherish these few moments of solace with my brother. It makes me feel like he is at peace and that is more important than anything. Hope to be back soon with some more meaningful and thought provoking blog posts.

2010-10-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

FIGHTING THE STIGMA ONE STEP AT A TIME

The two emails below give you an idea of how my "Gaining Insight Campaign" continues to surprise me:

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Hi Amber,

Our Mental Illness Awareness Week has concluded and I wanted to write and tell you what an impact your video had on the people who viewed it. We were unable to secure a speaker for our candlelight vigil, so we opted to show your video to the group instead. There were a couple of people attending who suffer from schizophrenia and I think it may have had the biggest impact on them. Seeing themselves portrayed as people of strength and courage instead of people needing to be medicated and pitied surely gave them a much needed sense of pride. I congratulate and thank you for that. All the others that watched the video were very moved and quite surprised at many of the statistics. We were unable to show the video at the art exhibit - the setting wasn't right. However, we were able to show it at our NAMI Family-to-Family Class that week. It so happened to fall during the week we were doing our "empathy" workshop, which made it fit in quite nicely. Everyone was very impressed and everyone wanted your website address!
 
 We plan to use this video again in May during Mental Health Month and hope to have a showing at the library and invite either a psychiatrist or mental health worker to speak. I'd also like to get a copy of the video that is online on your website. The one that shows each of your pieces and the narrative that describes what each one represents. Could I possibly get that from you? I'd be happy to pay the shipping charges, just let me know how much and I'll mail you a check.
 
 Thank you again for sharing your beautiful artwork - it makes such a powerful statement and all of us who are in this fight to break stigma and educate the public about mental illnesses appreciate everything you're doing.
 
 NAMI Mobile Alabama

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Dear Amber,
 My name is … with the McGovern Institute for Brain Research at MIT (web link here). This month, we are celebrating our tenth anniversary. At this event, our director, Robert Desimone, will give a talk to a large audience about our mission to understand the brain in health and disease. I have been looking for compelling images to illustrate the gravity of psychiatric illnesses such as schizophrenia and I came across your very moving gallery on gaining-insight.com.
  
 Would you possibly be willing/interested in giving us permission to use your 'psychiatric' painting image in Robert Desimone's talk? Thanks very much and I look forward to hearing back from you.

McGovern Institute for Brain Research at MIT: Understanding the Brain in Health and Disease

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2010-09-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

FIGHTING STIGMA IN THE CLASSROOM

So much to write about but no time to do it :( Still searching for balance while I juggle a new baby, work and well, life! Of course baby comes first, so I apologize for the lack of posts. However, I seem to be getting closer to my dream of fight stigma in the classroom. I received a wonderful email from a publishing company in Australia. They contacted me to ask permission to use the poster (to the left) in a school textbook titled VCE Psychology Units 3 & 4, 4th edition. I was so honored that I had to say yes. To top it off, this poster will be printed in 50,000 textbooks. To think that my little poster could make an impact on students...I am beyond trilled!

In lieu of compensation, I asked the publishing company if they could donate to a mental health charity. They graciously donated $100 to Australia's Sane.org. "SANE Australia is a national charity working for a better life for people affected by mental illness – through campaigning, education and research." If you have a chance, check

out their site. This organization continues to do so much for the

mental health community in Australia. Also, thank you to all my readers who voted and made my blog a top ten blog (see award in right hand column). This will inspire me to keep on blogging!

2010-07-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

MEL GIBSON: JUST ANOTHER STATISTIC

As soon as I heard about Mel Gibson's disturbing phone recordings, I was reminded of the statistic that 1 in 4 people are affected by a mental illness (most without even knowing). I then read the following article. I wonder how many other Mel's are out.

Now I am not here to diagnose Mel, but his seemingly off balanced demeanor forces me to look further at the people I have met over the years. I have encountered many people with obvious personality and/or mental flaws (myself included). I am not using the word "flaw" in a negative way, rather to show that something was a bit off or bothering the person. Some of these people I am related to. After my brother became sick, it forced me to evaluate whether there was more undiagnosed illness running in the family. What makes me sad is that most people with paranoid thoughts are so quick to point the finger that they won't detect any imbalance within themselves.

Some family feuds are fueled by mental instability (no matter how small or large the imbalance). Others have attributed there rocky upbringing to undiagnosed mental illness within the family. To this day, I avoid confrontation because I am reminded of the fights that occurred while growing up. Then my OCD kicks in. It causes me to overanalyze things (or find a solution to a problem). I would act as the mediator and attempt to fix the family. This can take a toll on a person. You feel like you are carrying 1,000 pounds of crap that you do not own. So I am trying to accept that not every problem has a solution.

My energy will be spent on raising my child in a home where he feels safe and secure. He will not carry my burden. But I do hope that in the future, these less severe forms of mental illness can be detected by the individual. It takes a lot of courage to evaluate one's self and even more courage to seek help. We can encourage mental health by increasing awareness (and empathy). Thank you for taking to time to sample a rambling mind.

Thought I should post a response I made after reading Amanda's comment (since it relates to the above post): "Amanda...Very well said!! I agree that many are passed off as eccentric. People should look at mental illness in a positive light. Many famous people may not be famous if it wasn't for a metal imbalance. Howard Hughes may not have been as successful with a "NORMAL" mind. If we don't say the words MENTAL ILLNESS or give it a label, then we will never strip away the stigma, thus, the discrimination will continue. I love those who are different/eccentric. They push the boundaries or what we THINK is normal!"

2010-07-06T18:32:00.000-07:00

MIA: FORGIVE ME FOR MY ABSENCE

I think you will see from the video/pictures below why I have been absent from blogging. Lucas was born at the end of April and continues to remind me that life is beautiful in every possible way. I hope to be back soon!

2010-04-08T06:32:00.000-07:00

BRING CHANGE 2 MIND

I hope you will take a moment to navigate through the following website. I believe the campaign was partially developed by Glen Close (she has a sister with bipolar). Like myself, their mission is to stamp out stigma. Luckily, they are reaching a much larger audience since they have the help of celebrity. I like how they use the approach of wearing the name of their disorder/association. It shows that they have no fear. We must make these words mundane in order to strip away the stereotypes and misconceptions. I hope one day to reach as many people with my message. Let's keep fighting!

2010-03-30T12:42:00.001-07:00

CAN MENTAL ILLNESS BE DELAYED

OR PREVENTED?

With only a few weeks to go before I can meet my baby boy, I am starting to notice I will be a protective mommy. One of the facts that I just have to face in life is that mental illness runs in my family. As most of you know, these illnesses overlap so family members will not experience the same illness or to the same degree. My brother seems to have the most debilitating form of mental illness out of anyone in the family. So, I am one who fully supports prevention or delayed onset of illness through proper nutrition and education. Some may say I am being over cautious but I am thankful to have a family who is educated and open about mental illness. I know I can't CONTROL life, but certainly, I can derail or alter certain things.

When I became pregnant, I was overwhelmed with joy. But my obsessive thoughts soon created anxiety and tension. I thought, what if I pass this genetic link onto my son? It took a while to get over the guilt and realize that as horrible as this disease can be, my husband and I would get through it as a team. Throughout my pregnancy I made sure I took more than enough EPA, DHA, vitamin D and choline. I am sick of egg sandwiches (eggs are high in choline). All of these supplements can aid in healthy brain development. I figure, he will be in-utero only once, so I better do it right. My husband and I eat organic and all natural where ever possible since cancer is very prominent in his family. It is amazing how much of our foods are laced with man made chemicals. Who knows what effects these chemicals have on our precious, human tissue. The following article sheds light on the positive effects fish oil may have on mental illness.

I promise not to worry too much but I will be aware. I feel that being prepared with the right tools or being able to notice early symptoms may result in a better outcome later in life. I guess this is what it feels like to be a mother:)

2010-03-11T11:09:00.000-08:00

WHEN CRIES FOR HELP ARE LEFT UNANSWERED

The following story sent chills down my spine since it hit way to close to home. I am happy that the family made this statement:

"We may never know why he made this terrible decision," it said. "One thing is clear though — his actions were caused by an illness and not a defective character."

When my brother was missing in Italy, we were baffled by the laws which prevent a family from making decisions for their very ill family member. Josh had been missing for days when we finally received the call that he was back in Rome. We thought GREAT, now he is safe. Unfortunately, he could not be kept against his will even though he was clearly sick and could not make rational decisions on his own. I would never wish that experience on my worst enemy. There is really nothing to compare it to other than sheer helplessness.

So when I read the article above, I completely could relate to how the family must have felt in their situation. I have been there when my brother begged my mom to call the FBI because of his delusions/hallucinations. I have heard the pain in my mother's voice as she told me how my brother handed her a knife to put under her bed because he was certain someone might break in the house. I remember the stomach pains I felt when my parents pleaded with the hospital to take my brother in after he tried to run out of their car only feet from oncoming traffic because he thought bombs were headed for them. I can tell you that the torture is felt on both ends. Why must our cries for help be ignored when we are the ones living through the chaos. We are the voice of reason yet no one will listen. The law only seems to matter when it is far too late. This will always sadden me.

In my opinion, there are many flaws when it comes to the mental health system. It can't be all or nothing. Mental illness is not black and white. I wish that these laws allowed for flexibility so that the family could intervene. I know these stories of mental illness and violence are rare but when publicized, they affect the publics' perception in a very negative way. They only hear about these rare instances and assume ALL people living with mental illness must be violent. Sorry to sound like a broken record, but education on the subject is in great need if we want to see change. The public may only see the unfortunate violence which results from mental illness but they really need to be aware of the mental illness itself and what it can do to individuals who are suffering? What about these victims? My heart goes out to the officers who were involved in the shooting as well as the family who did not need to loose a son. This unfortunate incident could have been prevented.

2010-02-10T10:41:00.000-08:00

"THE CRAZIES"

(MOVIE TITLE OR MOST OF HOLLYWOOD)

When you decide to fight stigma, you find that the media is your worst enemy. When it comes to mental illness, Hollywood writers fuel fear in the public by relying on sensationalism and discrimination. The latest film to misrepresent mental illness is "The Crazies". Usually, I am surprised by the layers of discrimination within a film but in this case, the title says it all. I want you to watch the following trailer and read the film's description below (the film's website is here). I would love to hear what you think about this issue. In my opinion, it will take years of education at a student level (part of the reason I am working on my documentary). Maybe then will our future Hollywood directors and writers think twice before they stigmatize millions of people dealing with mental illness. We all can hope but we must keep fighting!

"A husband and wife in a small Midwestern town find themselves battling for survival as their friends and family descend into madness in The Crazies...Unable to trust former neighbors and friends, deserted by the authorities and terrified of contracting the illness themselves, they are forced to band together in a nightmarish struggle for survival." –www.thecrazies-movie.com

"About the inhabitants of a small Iowa town suddenly plagued by insanity and then death after a mysterious toxin contaminates their water supply." –IMDB.com

2010-01-28T14:17:00.000-08:00

J.D. SALINGER: RIP

One of my favorite authors, J.D. Salinger, has passed away at the age of 91. I fell in love with his book "Catcher in the Rye" after reading it in 8th or 9th grade. So much so that I read it a second time years later.

""Catcher" presents the world as an ever-so-unfair struggle between the goodness of young people and the corruption of elders, a message that only intensified with the oncoming generation gap."

The following quote, from the book, describes the main character beautifully as well as the title:

"I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy."

Looking back now, I think my obsession with this book stemmed from my fascination with childhood innocence. I have always felt this need to protect children from the harsh realities of adulthood. If I really want to dig deeper, I could say that my childhood experience with family feuding may have caused me to recoil from any confrontation at all costs. We can not choose the environments we grow up in but parents must realize that their actions can have lasting effects on a child's future. Now I am not saying you should shelter a child from every bad thing in the world, but some children are more sensitive than others. I feel it is my duty to protect my brother from his illness since I can't bear to see him in pain. We often say that Josh may have always been unequip to handle the harsh realities of adulthood. Now that he is burdened with a chronic illness, I would do anything to bring him back to the days when life was so easy for him, as a child. When he first got ill, he often made comments about life being much easier and enjoyable and a kid.

I am not a therapist, but being subjected to fights within the family/in-laws as a child was something I NEVER had any control of. As an adult, if I loose control, I have a very difficult time adjusting. I wonder if this stems from my childhood or the fact that I analyze everything:) I am not angry at my parents because the majority of the time, they were wonderful and supportive. The only issue I had was that they involved the children in their confrontation even though it had nothing to do with us. When you develop a great sensitivity to confrontation, those early experiences can never be erased. Maybe this is why I won't judge a serial killer or someone whose actions may have been triggered by an extremely abusive upbringing. We must remember that every effect has a cause.

What's ironic about "Catcher in the Rye" is how one man, with schizophrenia (an illness that robs someone of reality), felt that this book gave him reason to kill John Lennon.

"The cult of "Catcher" turned tragic in December 1980 when crazed Beatles fan Mark David Chapman shot and killed John Lennon, citing Salinger's novel as an inspiration and stating that "this extraordinary book holds many answers."

At the time of the murder, Chapman was clearly unmedicated and unaware of his troubled mind. He has been in prison since 1981 after he changed his plea from insanity to guilty. Some believe that his illness may have resulted from his troubled childhood. Chapman was very sensitive to the anger his parents had towards each other. The physical abuse may have intruded upon his normal development. As a result, he escaped to a fantasy world. I wonder if Chapman became obsessed with Holden Caufield's character since he too was looking for someone to protect him.

I thank J.D. Salinger for his contributions to the literary world. He will never be forgotten. I will end with one of my favorite quotes:

"Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up." –Pablo Picasso

2010-01-13T07:58:00.001-08:00

ROUTINE IS JUST ONE PART OF RECOVERYWhen it comes to mental illness, we start to understand that recovery is not a destination, rather, it is a constant management and understanding of symptoms. My brother continues to amaze me in his efforts to improve on himself. Though it was difficult for him to do, he did go to the local animal shelter in search of volunteer position. He was afraid that the interviewer would inquire about his volunteering interest since he had a college degree. These uncomfortable situations continue to harp on his conscience. But, as his family, we are there to support and encourage him so that he can see he can live up to his potential.

To those who are not aware what it is like to live with schizophrenia, I want to point out that your intelligence is NOT affected by the illness in any way. My brother is still much sharper than most and has a memory I am still baffled by. In his case, his symptoms can prevent him from feeling comfortable in social/stressful situations. This can be very problematic when trying to hold a 9-5 job. To the average person, this may be hard to comprehend but it is why I try to educate others. Empathy towards this chronic illness will reduce stigma. It is also important to point out that no case of schizophrenia is the same and there are many who are quite functional.

In closing, I wanted to say that I am very proud of my brother and hope that being around animals will be comforting to him since he is so good with them. It may seem like a small accomplishment to some but to a family who has seen their son and brother deal with absolute debilitation, it is a monumental step in the right direction. Good luck Josh, we will always be here to support you:)

2010-01-13T07:58:00.000-08:00

ROUTINE IS JUST ONE PART OF RECOVERY

2010-01-07T11:14:00.000-08:00

EVEN COMEDIANS BATTLE DEPRESSION

I often wondered if Artie Lang's humor was a way for him to mask his inner deamons. I am an avid Howard Stern listener so I have witnessed Artie's honesty about his drug addiction and depression. His admissions have helped others, who may be influenced by stigma, understand this very real illness. Some would call in and criticize him, saying depression is not a real disease, or how could he bed ridden with crippling mental anguish. Well, I hope all of those who let their disbelief get in the way of their sympathy will feel something when they read the following:

"Howard Stern sidekick and "Beer League" star Artie Lange was hospitalized this weekend after a suicide attempt at his Hoboken apartment, according to the New York Post. Sources tell the paper the bulbous funnyman stabbed himself nine times, including three deep wounds. A bloodied Lange was discovered by his mother Saturday morning. The 42-year-old has battled addiction in the past and has been absent from Stern's show on Sirius radio for over a month."

This was not Artie's first suicide attempt. If you listen to the show, you know that Artie is obviously dealing with a mental illness and I commend him for seeking help from a therapist recently (something that took years). I often thought that the death of his father caused much of his drug addiction but I have come to realize that, like myself, his inability to deal with his father's death may result from the illness itself. I see now how so many creative people are dealing with obsessive thoughts and other mental issues. There is a sensitivity there that you can't shake and it often is the reason for your creativity and pain. I understand this struggle very well. I am trying to improve on my own mental health but it is something that you tend to daily. I truly hope Artie is OK and my heart goes out to him and his supportive and loving family. They have also been through a great deal over the years. When I read how his mother discovered him while delivering food (she made with love), I thought of my own mother and how she has done so much for my brother. Thank you mom!

2009-11-23T13:46:00.000-08:00

SPREADING THE WORD

I have been invited to speak at an annual gathering of 40 local mental health professionals and paraprofessionals. I am very excited since this provides me with the opportunity to share my anti-stigma campaign with people who work in the field. My ultimate goal is to have professionals use my documentary during the recovery process. Before I speak, I will display my canvas paintings along with accompanying audio (on headsets). I will also display my large scale posters of Joshua and talk about how family has played a large part in his recovery.

I think it is important to take this opportunity to discuss my thoughts about the mental health system. My family (along with many others) have been shut out of treatment, especially during psychotic episodes. I think it will be good for professionals to understand what we experience from a very frightening and helpless point of view. Finally, I will present the first ever footage of my next documentary. I am no where near the end of editing (thanks to the pregnancy :), but I think a sneak peak will be a great way to show the professionals what to expect. I would like to thank Peter at Friendship House for giving me this opportunity to reach even more open minds!

2009-11-12T07:41:00.001-08:00

IN OUR OWN VOICE

I think it's wonderful that more and more people are coming forward to fight stigma. I recently learned about the program "In Our Own Voice" through NAMI. This educational program allows people who have struggled with mental illness to be seen as courageous and confident individuals. Please read the following description of the program to learn more! I only hope that my work can make the same impact.

2009-11-10T14:10:00.000-08:00

GOSSIP, SHAME AND HYPOCRISY

I have mentioned Perez Hilton before and his discriminating ways. Of course he is just a gossip columnist but what's worse is that he attracts millions of readers. This means his opinions could sway others who may not have developed a view on a particular subject. Perez is notorious for stereotyping those who seek medical help for any mental disorder. I find this very hypocritical coming from a man who is FIGHTING for the rights of gays and lesbians (which I agree with). You can't have it both ways Perez.

A few months ago, Mischa Barton was pretty much forced to explain a hospital stay since it involved being admitted to a psychiatric ward. When someone hears PSYCHIATRIC all those negative connotations come to mind. Connotations that have been fueled by stigma. This is sad to me since many people (including my brother) receive much needed treatment from this section of a hospital. Yet, the public continues to stereotype those who set foot into a psychiatric ward. This angers me too no end. Unfortunately, I've seen too many forgotten souls roaming the halls of these hospitals with little to no family support. Would family suddenly forget about their loved ones if they were suffering from cancer or heart disease? I think not.

The following was posted on PerezHilton.com after Mischa made a comment about her hospital stay (copy in bold is from Perez).

""I went through a tough spot where everything compounded on me, and it was like a perfect storm, like everything was happening to me at once," says the wacktress.

It seems that before Mischa was scheduled to begin filming her new CW show, Beautiful Life, she had done some extensive traveling on top of having a botched wisdom tooth surgery! And then she turned to coke?! Because they don't hospitalize or grant you a police escort for stress!!

"I had to get through it without proper painkillers because I couldn't take those during work," she says of the dental procedure. "So it's been a nightmare." "I was down in the dumps about everything there for a while," divulges Mushy. "Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom about things and have to get the most stressed out just to feel better again. I got completely stressed out and couldn’t handle everything, and now I feel really in control."

Because of her psychiatric stint at Cedar Sinai last month and we don't find it very convincing. We're not surprised life was difficult for her without drugs! Mischa denies she suffered a mental breakdown. Awww, honey. Denial is not one of the steps of recovery. The truth will set you free! Yeah, she might be OK. It's a slippery slope, though, when these starlets start to loose it. Welcome to the Mushy Mischa Meltodown Watch 2009!"

Why is it so convenient and acceptable to put someone DOWN for accepting medical treatment? I am sick of how we force shame onto an individual when it comes to any sort of mental health issue. It makes me sick but I will continue to try and change attitudes for the better. For now, I guess most people won't get it until they have experience the utter despair that results from either dealing with an unwanted mental disorder or watching a loved one fight everyday to manage their recovery. These individuals are courageous, yet no one is courageous enough to tell them so. WE HAVE TO END THE HATE.

2009-11-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

A SNEAK PEAK AT THE LITTLE ONE

I want to thank everyone for their well wishes. As you can see from the fuzzy image above, we are expecting our first baby in April. I am about 15 weeks and will find out if it's a girl or boy in a month.If it is a boy, I have decided to make his middle name Joshua (after my brother). He will have a great uncle:)

As I take all my vitamins, get plenty of rest and exercise, I will always have in the following thought in the back of my mind. Will my child develop a mental illness? I do not fear this possibility because of shame, rather, I know what it is like to see someone you love struggle with a mental illness. In my parent's case, they were not aware that mental illness runs in the family. I think this is due to the fact that some relatives did not identify mental illness or ignored it (by chalking it up to strange behavior). In my case, my siblings are very aware and my immediate family is very open to discuss this topic (which I am grateful for). But once you are aware of a genetic link, it is only natural to have worries here and there. I am learning not to dwell on these thoughts because in the end, I do believe we are given what we can handle. All I can do is be prepared.

I am so excited to raise my child with the awareness and sensitivity towards those who have a mental illness. My husband and I will have so much to teach and express. We look forward to immersing our child in culture, music, art, and so much more! I will keep you updated. Thank you again for your support, especially with my brother! It is nice to know he is not alone.

One last thing, I just heard that my brother may be working part time through a program with the hospital. I am so happy and proud of him!!

2009-10-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

TIME AND HOPE

Someone once said that time and hope are all you can depend on when mental illness touches your family. That person could not have been more insightful. This past weekend was quite eventful for my family. One, my brother was finally released from the hospital (after a seven month stay). Second, I surprised my family with the news that my husband and I are expecting our first baby. What made the announcement even more meaningful was the fact that my brother was there to hear it. And finally, Josh met his niece for the very first time.

I know now that part of Josh's improvement occurred shortly after his return home from the hospital. He could not WAIT to be out of that confined institution. I understand how spending most of your young adulthood in a mental hospital can actually hinder recovery. If anything, I hope Josh realizes that working on recovery will keep him out of that place.

Upon his release, Josh finally shaved his beard and cut his hair. Two things he refused to do while in the hospital. I think that was his way of regaining control since everyone was telling him what to do and when to do it. Now that he is home, it is like we have the old Josh back. He was able to hold his niece for the very first time. It's hard to believe that months ago, when he became an uncle, he did not believe we were his family members or that he had a niece. It is amazing how you have to force yourself to ignore these delusions. I still remember when my sister was still pregnant and we came to town to attend a family meeting. He looked at us with a blank stare and said he was not our brother and in no way would her baby be related to him. Of course, it was hard to hold back the tears at that moment but not because he hurt our feelings, rather, we realized how strong of a hold this illness had on our brother.

Me, Joshua, Whitney and our niece Arden, my mom made Arden's hat, sweater and booties:)

Joshua is the most sensitive, kind and loyal person I have ever known. I am not surprised that this illness continues to take advantage of him. I hope that in the future he will think of the time he first held his niece in his arms. Maybe that moment will give him strength to fight this illness and choose recovery. After all, it is up to him and only him. We are simply here to help guide his way, nothing more nothing less.

2009-09-24T08:05:00.001-07:00

LET THE EDITING BEGIN!

Well, filming is complete but now lies the very exciting and demanding job of editing. There are so many artistic avenues to raise awareness, I can not stick to just one:) Some say a movie is made during editing. I agree with this. I have about 4 hours of interviews and other material which will be condense down into a 1-2 hour documentary. I have so many ideas of how I will weave these very inspiring stories together. Since I have a very obsessive attitude when it comes to my work, I know that many of my nights will be spent in front of my iMac as I try to perfect the flow of this film. I can't imagine that others will not be moved by these different yet similar points of views (as expressed by the interviewees). Just to give you an idea of what to expect, here are descriptions of the participants:

• A young woman who was diagnosed with schizophrenia 10 years ago. Her story is proof that recovery is possible. Plus, her courage to speak out against stigma will show others that NO ONE should be silence by ignorance or fear.

• A mother who's son was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 10 years ago. Her point of view is unique since she is fighting to raise awareness so that her son can live a life with dignity and respect. I connected with her right away since I want the same for my brother.

• A young man who was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder about 10 years ago. Aside from his positive attitude towards recovery and life, this man's artwork and poems are sure to show how perseverance can aid in recovery.

• A mother who lost a son to suicide but keeps his spirit alive by raising awareness wherever she can. I am very honored to be able to share her story since suicide carries a much harsher stigma. Like myself, this woman believes that raising awareness about all mental illness can and will prevent suicide.

Well, I will be working hard and keeping all of you in mind as I continue on my journey. Thank you again for all of your support:)

2009-09-16T06:28:00.001-07:00

A WORK IN PROGRESS

I continue to be inspired by everyone I meet along this journey to fight stigma. I was asked to show the first edition of my documentary last night, even though at this point, I am focused on the content of the second edition. As a creative director and artist, I am subject to all sorts of criticism. It's part of the job:) Part of my growth as an artist involves the consideration of this criticism. I am known to be very stubborn and strong willed, but I am working on this. A few of the attendees expressed some VERY good points. All of which I will take into deep consideration. There were parts of the film which show how mental illness can lead to suicide. I realize that I do not want my final film to dwell on this very unfortunate circumstance.

When I created the first edition, I was immersed in the reality that my brother had attempted suicide three times. My mind set at the time did not allow for too much hope and I was most likely dealing with my own depression. We were in the thick of my brother's psychosis. However, as he continues to improve and I continue to meet so many survivors, I am more focused on sending a positive message. Don't get me wrong, my first edition is full of positivity and I am happy with the outcome. But I have a unique task at hand. I must express my own personal views on this social issue while being a voice for millions. I would like to let everyone know that I am so excited about my second edition since it's message will be one of hope, courage and strength. I will do my best to make all of your proud.

2009-09-13T21:16:00.001-07:00

ARE WE STARTING TO EMBRACE CERTAIN MENTAL DISORDERS?

Well, this appears to be true in the following article about antidepressant use. Studies show that antidepressant use has doubled in the U.S. between 1996 and 2005. Of course, some may argue that doctors are too quick to prescribe pills. However, I think this may be proof that social acceptance (or elimination of stigma) can encourage others to seek treatment (including therapy). As always, I commend anyone who battles mental illness and accepts treatment as a means to recovery. Here is the article.

2009-09-06T09:37:00.001-07:00

WHEN DID IT BECOME CHIC TO HAVE A MENTAL ILLNESS

At first, the following quote from Megan Fox left me speechless:

"I basically read every book ever written about Marilyn Monroe. I could end up like that because I constantly struggle with the idea that I think I’m a borderline personality—or that I have bouts of mild schizophrenia. I definitely have some kind of mental problem and I haven’t pinpointed what it is."

If you ask me, Megan is just one of many actresses who longs to be compared to an icon. Marilyn was truly unique and struggled her entire childhood. Her mother was in and out of mental hospitals and her father was not around. Most of her childhood was spent in foster homes. It's very narcissistic of Megan to frivolously claim she MAY be dealing with a serious mental disorder. I hope she could meet others who are in recovery or still fighting their demons. Maybe then, she would not make such insensitive comments. Trust me Megan, you would KNOW if you had a mental illness such as schizophrenia. Also, try to be yourself and make a difference instead of striving to be someone you are not.

2009-09-02T17:46:00.000-07:00

IN LIMBO

There are days when I just can't bring myself to think about my brother because it is too painful. Josh has been in a state hospital since February 2009. In the past, my family would cherish the fleeting moments of recovery or mental stability which existed between involuntary hospital stays. For the past seven months, my brother passed the time by roaming the white hospital halls, smeared in fingerprints and dirt. He paces to the rhythm of a psychosis that he can't seem to shake. He will not acknowledge his newborn niece, though his mind will not allow him to. I want to blame someone so I blame the mental health system. But they are only doing their jobs to carry out rules and regulations. As a family member, you feel like everyone who is "doing their job" looks right through you as they ignore your hunger to fix things. So, our hands remain tied, very tightly. How can I enjoy my career success, my life or even sunshine when someone I love is repeatedly choked by his own mind. I am haunted by the sensitive little boy who could never predict or deserve a future like this. My brother may be a victim of circumstance but he will forever live in my work, my mind and all that I do. Please get better Josh!

2009-08-11T14:31:00.000-07:00

PUTTING THE MAD IN MAD TV

I am currently reading Artie Lange's book "Too Fat to Fish". I have been a Howard Stern listener for quite some time. Anyone who is a listener knows that Artie is an addict and deals with bouts of depression. Well, I thought that by reading his book, I would try to find connections between addiction, mental illness and/or trauma. Well, that and I am addicted to reading about tragic figures (Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison, etc.) Artie's life story is chaotic so far but nothing really shocks me since I own a front row seat when it comes to irrationality. Today, I was searching for MAD TV clips since I never saw Artie's work on the show. The first video I stumbled upon was very ironic. I will let the subject matter speak for itself. I would love to hear what you all think. I am not for censorship but imagine if this clip stereotyped African American's or people with AIDS. I don't think the sketch would have seen the light of day. Of course, it took years to achieve this amount of respect. More reason to keep fighting for the dignity and respect of those who deal with mental illness. Above is a clip of "Schizophrenic Jeopardy" presented by Mad TV. Lastly, for those of you who may object to Howard Stern, you may find it interesting that his show is one of the few to discuss mental illness very openly and honestly. These discussions end up correcting many myths and stereotypes. What makes this powerful? Stern has about 20 million listeners.

2009-08-04T14:26:00.000-07:00

AM I DOING THE BEST THAT I CAN?

I would like to thank everyone for taking interest in my blog and cause. It has been less than a year since I have started this blog. I received a comment recently (July 27th) which lead me to wonder, am I do the best job I can? In my mind I am but I would like to hear from you. In my quest to fight stigma, my main concern is to inspire others to treat all illness as equal. Have I missed the mark? Have I contributed to stigma? Is it wrong of me to mention words like SCHIZOPHRENIA, MENTAL ILLNESS, ETC? When I think of this topic, I think of AIDS and how we have almost erased stigma. It took a long time, but it happened. In order to see progress, sometimes we have to put ourselves out there, no matter what others think. I would like to see the same happen for mental illness, or whatever you want to call it. My gut is that you are all happy with my work thus far. I don't like to welcome criticism, but as an artist, it comes with the territory:)

2009-07-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

GET YOUR POPCORN

Halloween II is back and ready to give mental illness a bad name. Rob Zombie takes yet another stab (no pun intended) as director and clearly has no idea that he will be making my job, as stigma buster, that much harder. This film promises to be chock full of stereotypes, misconceptions, violence and hate. Aside from the news, sensationalism in the movies is one of the leading causes of stigma. I want you to watch the movie trailer. Notice the woman in the white dress when she mentions, "Takes us home Michael". Those are the voices or hallucinations created in Michael's head. In the story, Michael Myers has escaped from a mental institution, blah blah blah. Add one part propaganda, one part mental illness and you have a blockbuster HIT; plus lots and lots of money. We have to stop film makers from manipulating schizophrenia in order to sell tickets. Those of you who battle mental illness daily are truly paying the price.

2009-07-27T19:18:00.001-07:00

THE IGNORANCE HAS TO END

Sorry guys, I know I get pretty passionate about the topic of stigma but tonight I had to vent.I feel like I am fighting a loosing battle sometimes. While I was on perezhilton.com, I felt the need to comment on yet another sensationalized and unfortunate story about mental illness and violence. It got a little heated on my end but I wanted to remind people that we need to raise awareness more than ever. Please go to this link and read all of the comments (there are three pages of comments) made in reference to a news story about a Texas woman accused of killing infant son, then eating child's brain. Then I want you to read my comments (77, 86, 91, 98, 109, 112, 115, 132, 187, 208, 210, 221, 222, 229). Comments made by AmuseMe are the only ones that seem to coincide with my views. Sad. This was my favorite (sarcasm) quote: WELCOME TO AMERICA were crazy people run free!!!!!!!!!!" I would like to take the time to thank the people who will be sharing their stories in my documentary. The point of my film is to chip away at this intense stigma. If anyone is interested in sharing their story of hope, please contact me:) I would love to hear your thoughts.

2009-07-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

CREATIVITY:

A HUNGER THAT MUST BE SATISFIED

I wanted to complete a thought I had after reading another blog post (written by Suicidal No More: Choosing to Live with Schizophrenia). This fellow blogger discusses an interesting topic. Is there a link between mental illness and creativity? My documentary contains information that supports this claim. I do this so that others will see positivity in mental illness and understand that art is therapy. Still, I remain both fascinated and confused by the subject matter.

Far before my brother developed schizophrenia, I noticed that I was different from others and in many ways. I was highly empathetic towards total strangers. I would lock myself in my room and draw while listening to classical music for hours (before the age of 12). I had maybe one friend. I would not look others in the eye when they tried to speak to me. I analyzed everything and when I spoke my mind, others would look at me like I was an alien. The only person who I ever felt comfortable expressing my thoughts with was my father. He is also eccentric but I love him for that. I'd like to think that he encouraged me to speak my mind, no matter how strange it seemed.

It is much more clear to me now that my brother and I share the same sensitivity to the outside world. I also think deep down that his sensitivity may be linked to his mental illness. Since there is so much we don't know about mental illness, I do not feel bold in making this statement. It is a feeling I have, not based on science but on intuition. I know my brother better than anyone and I have yet to experience the same sensitivity in another human being. In my case, many people ask me how I draw so well. I tell them it is my sensitivity to details. The same details that haunt my thoughts. When I drive past road kill, I almost feel like crying. That poor animal was just trying to cross a road which we paved through their habitat, in search of food. There it lies, pressed into the pavement, crushed. I once tried to save a fly from drowning in a puddle of water in my bathroom. If I see someone who may be overweight and eating bad foods, I will feel so bad for them because in my mind, they are feeding some sort of pain. Yes, this all seems odd, but I have come to terms with my thoughts and simply base it on my high sensitivity.

In the past, I could not conform or fit in and this bothered me to no end. I thought, if only I was accepted by others, I would be truly happy. As an adult, I embrace the fact that I am different and try to encourage others to do the same, just like my father once did for me. The "Gaining Insight" campaign exists because the empathy I feel for my brother is too much to handle at times. Art allows me to focus or channel my pain.

In response to the blog post I mentioned earlier, here is what I wrote in the comment section:

This is a topic I ponder almost daily. I think that what you are describing is a stigma. Even though, mental illness does not lead to more or less creativity. The other stigma causes society to believe that people with mental illness are monsters, dangerous, the list goes on. Anyway, I can only give you my experience. I am what you may call an artist. I hate the label because in my mind, we all have the ability to express ourselves. Society rules and standards force the average joe to keep his/her "different" thoughts to one's self. I am a painter and creative director so most people assume that I must be creative. Art is a tool I have used for years. I use it to speak since I am very shy but have lots of thoughts. It allows me to control and inspire an audience. Creativity also makes me happy. When I am not creative, I am sad because I think too much. I can best compare it to a hunger I must satisfy. The only known mental illness I seem to have is possibly OCD (I plan to see a therapist soon) and slight depression. But OCD can cause anxiety and depression. I will say that I owe much of my creativity to my odd thoughts and desire to challenge the norm. I know these thoughts are odd since others tell me so. I don't think they are odd, but just different from the norm. I have been called weird more times than I can count. I believe that innovation, creation, expression and invention exist because we challenge what is normal. I thrive on this philosophy. I do agree with you that individuals such as Van Gogh or Sylvia Plath can be sensationalized because of their mental illness. But I tend to think that their art stood out because they were expressing such obvious pain. I mention both of them in my documentary which I hope to show you when it is done. Their art was their therapy. I think people choose art as expression since that is a personal therapy that can not be replaced by a doctor or pill. Lastly, there is a history of mental illness in my family. I often wonder if this has contributed to my creativity biologically. I like to think it has. I am very sensitive like my brother and weird like my dad. So, unfortunately, my story tends to support the idea that creativity and mental illness may be linked. I could go on and on. My thoughts race sometimes so my writing may sound all over the place and points may be lost. Take care!

2009-07-19T17:21:00.001-07:00

PRISONS HAVE REPLACED

MENTAL HEALTH FACILITIES

There is one reality about mental illness that chills me to the bone. It is the fact that there are 5 TIMES MORE people with mental illness in prison than the general population. Did you know that up to 30 percent of prisoners have a treatable mental disorder? This saddens me since people like my brother, who is now in a state hospital receiving care, will always have mental illness. He is not immuned to the possibility of ending up on the streets or even jail one day. As his family, we worry about all these possibilities because we love him and want him well, no matter what. Most people don't realize that someone with a mental illness does not belong in prison. It may allow the general population to feel "SAFE" but this fear is a direct result of propaganda (which is why I am fighting stigma). Those with mental illness deserve the same dignity, respect and treatment as any person who is sick, period. Could you imagine if your loved one was deprived of necessary treatment because his or her illness impairs judgement? I can tell you that in my experience, it if feels like your heart is being choked to death. I hope you can take a moment to read this very important and insightful article about imprisonment and mental illness.

2009-07-15T18:21:00.000-07:00

NATHANIEL AYERS PLAYS VIOLIN AT 2009 NAMI CONVENTION

I have yet to see "The Soloist" but I did have the chance to hear Nathaniel's music. Check out this video of Nathaniel and the 2009 NAMI Convention. Music is his therapy!

2009-07-15T06:28:00.000-07:00

THERAPY COUNSELING ON THE WEB

A few weeks ago, I received a phone call from a man representing Therapy Counseling.com. He was interested in my cause and asked permission to display my website on their resources page. I happily agreed. Therapy Counseling.com connects people with certified counselors. After registration, you will choose a counselor based on your needs. Once you click CALL NOW, your phone will ring with that counselor on the other end. I think this service is wonderful because you can receive advice and counseling at any time of the day. They have a variety of counselors with specialties ranging from addiction to OCD to infertility. I am sure I could have used this website when my brother first got sick. If you have a chance, check out their website. I would love to know what you think.

2009-07-13T18:14:00.000-07:00

THE EVOLUTION OF PASSION

As many of you know, I am working on a documentary which will educate others about mental illness and stigma. I was fortunate enough to show the first edition of this video to a couple support groups. When the video ended, I was surprise by their applause. I couldn't believe that some of the individuals were interested in sharing their stories. It is humbling to know that my work and passion is inspiring others to make a difference. I am happy to give others a voice since stigma has silenced so many with mental illness. One woman told me that I was breaking ground and that one day we will see progress. I would like to thank Amanda for allowing me to meet these wonderful, supportive individuals. You all inspire me to keep fighting. Since my brother is not doing well at the moment, my heart aches for him to recover. I want him to be at peace one day. I find peace in so many people who have reached recovery. I see them smile and laugh and think, Joshua will feel the same one day. I do know that he possesses the strength to do so. Get better Josh:) We miss you!!

2009-07-10T18:02:00.000-07:00

OCD AND PROUD TO BE

Some of the most creative and innovative people often deal with obsession and perfectionism. I would like to introduce a self proclaimed perfectionist. This time, it is not me:) Deb is a writer, cook, photographer and author of a wonderful blog called Smitten Kitchen. I came across this blog during one of my many journey's through cyber space. Smitten Kitchen gives me inspiration to spend more time in the kitchen and to challenge myself. Now, I am not sure if Deb has OCD, but she does use the term when describing her attitude towards cooking. When we make the topic of all mental illness mundane, others will get used to talking about it. Whether OCD is something Deb deals with or not, I am happy that she shares her passion for food with the rest of us. Please check out Deb's blog and see if you are inspired by her mouth watering photos and recipes. Enjoy!

2009-07-08T15:35:00.000-07:00

REMINDER: TO BE GRATEFUL

If I have learned one thing about mental illness, it is to NEVER take anything for granted. As I returned home from work today, I was pleasantly greeted by the images. At that moment, I was reminded to be grateful for all that is positive in my life. Thank you horsees (yes I call them hors-ees :) BTW, this particular horse walked about 200 feet just to say hi, up close.

What am I grateful for?

• My sister is about to give birth to her first child (even after a horrible miscarriage).

• My brother is currently in a state hospital working towards recovery and acceptance.

• My new found friends at the Friendship House (thanks Amanda).

• The courageous, lost souls who inspire me to be a better person.

• A supportive husband who makes me laugh and gives my work an honest critique.

• For parents who encouraged me to always be creative.

• FREE therapy on four legs...I mean my two precious dogs, Miles and Basie.

• That medicine and therapy will bring my brother back one day...I just have to be patient.

• The moments of recovery I have experience with Josh, as brief as they were.

• Finally...for his courage, generosity and kindness...he is unique and I love him for that.

What are you grateful for?

2009-07-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

ALL ILLNESS SHOULD BE TREATED EQUALLY

As I begin to chip away at the stigma surrounding mental illness, I envision a national campaign. I hope to create this campaign one day so that EVERYONE can finally see the truth. Luckily, I am a member of a local mental health community board and they may provide me the opportunity to speak with legislation about my ideas for change. I would like you to take a minute and view the following Lance Armstrong/Nike commercial. Of course, I think Nike is capitalizing on the pain of others, but that is a separate issue. The message sent by this ad is one of hope and courage. These are qualities I see in so many silent heros with mental illness. The rest of society does not have the chance to see this courage. Stigma has silenced many and it's time we stand up to the negative words, ideas and ignorance. Like cancer, someone with a mental disorder must be strong in order to overcome this chronic illness. However, he/she has much more to overcome. These individuals are forced to ignore stereotypes that overshadow their courage. Can you imagine a day when mental illness will be viewed in the same light as cancer? It CAN happen. Remember everyone, when it comes to schizophrenia, NOTHING is black and white! Think and feel...in color. To be equal is to have empathy.

1. VIEW THE 1st VIDEO HERE:)

2. HERE'S AN OLDER VERSION

2009-07-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

SENSATIONALISM IN THE MEDIA

Just wanted to show a personal point of view from one of Michael Jackson's nurses. This is her response to how the media is benefiting from Michael's death.

"I am shocked, hurt and deeply saddened by recent statements the press has attributed to me, in particular, the outrageous and patently false claim that I “routinely pumped his stomach after he had ingested a dangerous combination of drugs". I don’t even know how to pump a stomach!! In addition, I have never spoken to the Times Online, the original source of the story that has now been picked up worldwide. The statements attributed to me confirm the worst in human tendencies to sensationalize tragedy and smear reputations for profit.

I convey my heartfelt and deepest condolences to Prince, Paris, Blanket and the entire Jackson family. The pain and sorrow I feel over the loss of Michael pales in comparison to what has been taken from them forever.”

2009-06-28T19:18:00.000-07:00

A TRUE LEGACY

I remember when I first heard Michael Jackson's Thriller album, yes, on vinyl. My father brought it home and we didn't stop listening to that album for quite some time. Michael's talent managed to captivate many and inspire even more. I hope he gets the chance to rest in peace. However, I think it will be a long time before the media will allow that to happen. People must realize that this man was raised in a very abusive home under the strictest guidelines. Michael may have never possessed the proper tools to deal with fame. As we start to hear about his final days, we can't ignore that his demons got the best of him. We also have to wonder why those demons existed in the first place.

The day Michael died, I was out eating dinner as I overheard laughter in another room. People were dancing and sining along to Thriller. This was the day we were to remember his legacy. But as the days go by, all the media can do is unleash countless stories that surround his untimely death. Fame does have a price. Michael was dealing with more than we know and all we can do is judge. We have become slaves to the media. We have lost all ability to think for ourselves. We love the sensational stories that make our lives seem so perfect.

I don't think many can ignore the fact that Michael's demons got the best of him. But some of the most talented individuals are sometimes the most tortured souls. Michael was lonely and possibly self medicating. A man who once had it all was now forced into solitude. We should have had empathy for this man. Shame on the media for coining the term, WACKO JACKO. Now they tell us to embrace his legacy? Why, because it's convenient? Look past all the propaganda and take the time to see a man, a tortured soul. Someone who needed help. A family who tried to stage an intervention. Think about those individuals and how helpless they must have felt. I feel for all of them because I have been there. I am just sad that it takes having this experience to really understand helplessness or loss. Empathy should not be an acquired emotion. It should be as obtainable as happiness or sadness. Do not let the media determine your emotions. Think for yourselves!

2009-06-19T21:15:00.000-07:00

LIFE DOESN'T ALWAYS IMITATE ART

So I came across a quote by Beth Ditto a few days ago. Those of you who don't know her music, here is a link to a recent music video. I am not a super fan of "The Gossip" or anything but I applaud their art. Beth also proves that beauty is not defined by skin and bones. She does not conform to music industry standards and stays true to herself. Her voice, to me, has more feeling than most of the artists hitting the charts today.

Beth responded to a comment Katy Perry made about her music. Apparently, Kary wasn't all too impressed. Well, I must say that in my opinion, Beth is creating art and Katy is, well, regurgitation catchy pop tunes. Fun to listen to, but not much substance. I was struck by what Beth said because I think it runs parallel to society's trivialization of mental illness. But first, Beth's quote:

"I don't care if she writes a song about kissing a girl, but there are people who kiss girls in their everyday life, and it's not as easy as just kissing a girl and everyone loving you. It'd be really rad to hear her talk about something like that. It's not about Katy Perry. It's about this song and its innocence on her part. To [Katy], it's just this party song. But as a gay person, it's like, 'Oh, of course this straight person singing about kissing a girl goes straight to Top 40 and people buy this record. Who can give a fuck about real gay people?' That's what's really painful about the whole thing. That's what makes me laugh about 'I'm not impressed.' It's like, 'Oh, that's what you think? Of course, because you never thought about what a real gay person feels, and the impact that a song like that has on the gay world in a time of crucial civil rights.' That's just one of the examples of what the mainstream is thinking about queer culture, when actually, we are completely fighting for our rights right now."

I feel that the media and most of society sensationalize situations which they have NO EXPRIENCE with. This very act is why stigma exists. And what gives a person the right to make money off of someone else's pain and suffering? In most cases, people are manipulating a twisting the topic of mental illness in order to shock the public. I am trying to wake people up to the fact that suffering can not be overlooked by ignorance. I know, this requires education, etc., but we need more discussion on this topic.

I would love for more individuals to come forward and take a stand against stigma. I hope to develop a national campaign one day. Luckily, I will be speaking with congress in the future about my ideas to fight stigma on a national level. But I can't do it alone. I will need others to join me in this fight. Let me know if any of you are interested in telling your story. I will devote a section of my documentary to show real people living with mental illness and stigma. This portion of the video will display imagery and quotes from those who deal with stigma and are forced into silence because of it. Showing the public that you are not ashamed of your recovery and strength is a very powerful message. Don't allow others to speak for you.

2009-06-11T06:26:00.000-07:00

MY OBSESSION WITH OBSESSION

As some of you know, I received my B.S. in biology with intentions of becoming a physician's assistant. At times I wonder what this career would have been like. I know one thing. I would have deeply cared for my patients. However, I am so happy that I was courageous enough to follow my heart and creativity. My interest in science comes from my obsession with how things work. I am always looking for answers or connections. Like putting the peices of a puzzle together. This relates to my outlook on life and how I deal with everyday tasks or situations. I am not a doctor but I do beleive that my personality fits the following:

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality: People with an obsessive-compulsive personality are preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control. They are reliable, dependable, orderly, and methodical, but their inflexibility makes them unable to adapt to change. Because they are cautious and weigh all aspects of a problem, they have difficulty making decisions (like at the grocery store or with anything). They take their responsibilities seriously, but because they cannot tolerate mistakes or imperfection, they often have trouble completing tasks. Unlike the mental health disorder called obsessive-compulsive disorder, obsessive-compulsive personality does not involve repeated, unwanted obsessions and ritualistic behavior.

People with an obsessive-compulsive personality are often high achievers, especially in the sciences and other intellectually demanding fields that require order and attention to detail. However, their responsibilities make them so anxious that they can rarely enjoy their successes. They are uncomfortable with their feelings, with relationships, and with situations in which they lack control or must rely on others or in which events are unpredictable (like with my brother).

Now I don't want you to think that I need a label for everything. It's just people always made me feel that I was different or strange. I love having this type of personality because it allowed me to do the following:

• Come home every night for six months and create the Gaining Insight Campaign (sometimes staying up until 2 or 3 am when I had work the next day)

• Create my video documentary with a ridiculous deadline (I always love a deadline-keeps me motivated)

• Going directly back to college to study graphic design after studying biology for four years.

• Staring at the ingredients on the sides of food products which usually makes my time at the grocery store endless.

• Worrying about my brother everyday since he came home from Italy with a mental illness (nice souvenir, huh?).

• Coming home from class and rewriting the notes I already took in class once.

• Not settling for failure in myself.

• Keeping my family together no matter what.

• Worrying that chemicals or plastics could cause cancer (why I eat organic now).

• Not going to bed until I am happy with how a room is designed (this happens a lot since I bought my house).

• Or changing the design of a room 5 or 6 times until I am happy.

• I am never 100% content with any of my creations, which is why I change things over and over.

• Fight stigma until I see change!

I could go on but you get the idea. All of these things make me unique and good at what I do. I am passionate to the end. I do not work well in groups and am usually not willing to compromise. I am stubborn as they come. I like to challenge the norm, at all times. I do get a lot of my quirks from my father who also seem to have OCD. He has always had rituals and is also very stubborn. Who knows, if I didn't have this personality mixed with my intense empathy, I may not have created this campaign. When my brother became sick, I lost my control. It is the best way to describe how I reacted. I searched and searched for a way to regain this control. I found it in my art. So, PERSONALITY TRAITS, thank you for finding me:)

2009-06-09T17:05:00.000-07:00

LETTER TO THE EDITOR: NY DAILY NEWS

So, one of my new endeavors is to contact various media sources about their discriminatory stories involving mental illness. I would like to share with you my first letter to the editor.

I was in line at the super market when my eye caught the cover of NY Daily News. The headline read in big letters, " NO END TO THE STAE OF SHAME: ALBANY TURNS INTO MADHOUSE" I of course pick up the paper to read further. It didn't take long to locate the discriminatory comment. The first paragraph read:

"Yesterday's coup d'etat revealed Albany for the madhouse it has become, with the lunatics firmly in charge of the asylum." Now sure, people may tell me that I am too sensitive but if this editor used a different stereotype to compare to the NY State Senate, I am sure he or she would be forced to apologize for this insensitivity.

Here is my letter to the editor. I am hoping that I hear back:)

"I would like to comment on the editorial, "No end to the State of Shame: Albany turns into madhouse". Not so much for the content, rather the offensive comparison that was made. The stigma of mental illness is still alive and well. Due to lack of awareness, many news stories continue to portray mental illness in a discriminating nature. This article compares New York's Senate to a MADHOUSE, ASYLUM full of LUNATICS. I am tired of these derogatory comparisons because they discriminate and stereotype real people who are dealing with mental illness. Did you know discrimination against mental illness is about 20 years behind all other forms of discrimination?

And why must the media sensationalize situations involving violence and mental illness? These stories only create public fear and personal shame. Did you know that 95% of all homicides are committed by individuals with NO mental illness? And 90% of people with a mental illness are NEVER violent? I think the public would be shocked to hear these statistics.

I am an advocate who is working to raise awareness because my brother suffers from schizophrenia. I can tell you first hand that the strength and courage required to overcome mental illness is nothing short of miraculous. Families are also subject to paralyzing, emotional pain as they watch their loved ones struggle to reach recovery. I would love for the Daily News to run a positive story about mental illness and discuss my cause. I think many people, who are otherwise misinformed, may gain insight into the reality of mental illness. Society plays a role in recovery because shame is one of the main reasons why people will not seek treatment. Could you imagine a cancer patient not seeking treatment because he or she is ashamed of their illness? The cancer patient could die from their illness whereas some one with an untreated mental disorder could die from suicide. You can learn more about my cause at the following links (my blog has many supportive followers):

Web: www.gaining-insight.com (check out the PAINTINGS page)
Blog: www.gaining-insight.blogspot.com
News: www.timesunion.com/AspStories/story.asp?storyID=750776

Feel free to contact me if you would like to run a story. We need to replace fear with empathy and shame with courage. I will soon have an educational video documentary about this topic. I hope to show this video in high-schools and universities across the nation."

2009-05-26T19:13:00.001-07:00

FIRST TV APPEARANCE

I was asked by Art Rage Gallery if I would be interested in doing a little interview with Syracuse.com. I guess all the news is on the internet now:) Anyway, I seem a little nervous, but I am thankful for any opportunity to raise awareness. The video is directly below. Also, here are two little news articles (article 1 & article 2) which were written for the Syracuse Post Standard. The photo above was taken by the interviewer and made PHOTO OF THE DAY in the same paper. Yikes, it is strange to see my face in the paper. Guess it comes with the territory but still strange because I am shy. I am excited to collect all publicity as I continue to raise awareness about mental illness. I hope to show it to my brother when he gets better so he knows how much he has inspired me. I don't know where this road leads but thank you for all of your support!

2009-05-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

RAISING AWARENESS

ONE GALLERY AT A TIME

So, I didn't know how busy May would be for me but I am even more inspired to continue to fight stigma than ever before. My very first gallery show opened at Art Rage-The Norton Public Gallery in Syracuse, NY at the end of April. This particular gallery has set out to exhibit progressive art that inspires resistance and promotes social awareness; supports social justice, challenges preconceptions and encourages cultural change.

This show was very symbolic to me since I grew up and attended college in Syracuse. As people gathered during the show's reception, I couldn't shake the fact that my brother was in a state hospital about three miles away. But Josh was definitely there in spirit. His strength was seen in the posters that greeted guests. The response I received was overwhelming! I met a few artists who deal with mental illness first hand. Their art was both inspiring and honest. The gallery included a photo essay titled "Nothing to Hide". I am sure some of you have heard about this traveling show, if not, you can learn more here. At the exhibit, I met a few individuals who could help me raise awareness on a much larger scale.

About three days after my return from Syracuse, I attended The Saratoga County Citizens' Committee for Mental Health (SCCCMH) annual dinner. I am a new board member so I felt a little out of place:) The committee was honoring a local psychiatrist for his contributions and loyalty to Saratoga County. I was moved to tears when two of his patients honored the doctor with a speech and artwork. It was the first time I was able to see how inportant a doctor can be in one's recovery. As the doctor got up to accept his award, you could see tears in his eyes. He proceeded to say that he should not accept the award because the true heroes are those who struggle with mental illness as well as their families. I was excited to introduce my husband to the committee and specifically a young woman who I has the same illness as my brother. She is quite an inspiration and gives me hope that my brother could get better some day.

One day after the dinner, I attended the Mental Health Association in New York State, Inc. for their Spring Reception and Silent auction. A young woman contacted me about displaying my art at the show. Unfortunately, my art was still being shown in Syracuse but I had a better idea. I was already working on my documentary so I offered to show the opening because it included images of my artwork. They projected the short video as a back drop to the reception. I also donated two of my giclée art prints (one of the framed prints is seen above) for their silent auction. I never guessed that the art prints would raise almost $300 for charity! The man who bid on both prints said they would be displayed on the walls of a new mental health facility. He hopes they will make an impact on patients who pass by. After I told this man more about my cause, he asked me to speak at an upcoming event. I was so surprised:)

I tried to show my support by bidding on artwork, and I won! The piece (seen below-left side) was created by an eighty year old woman after the death of her partner, Jack. I was surprised to learn how old she was since the artwork is childlike in nature. Picasso once said, "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up." The piece to the right (below) was created by an artist who was showing at the gallery along with my work. His artwork is beautiful and even more meaningful when I learned about his fight with mental illness. I will blog more about him in the future.

I will post about the final leg of the art exhibit tomorrow. I am excited to tell you about my educational video which I presented for the first time last weekend! I will also tell you about an inspirational speaker who has recovered from bipolar disorder after returning from Dessert Storm!

2009-05-06T04:39:00.001-07:00

SORRY FOR THE DELAY

I have so much to tell you about but have been too busy to find time to write a post:) Check back soon!

2009-04-24T06:05:00.000-07:00

QUESTION EVERYTHING

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of viewing Shepard Fairey's art exhibit in Boston. You know him best for his Obama poster (see below). At the exhibit, I read a letter from President Obama which commended Shepard for his help. Obama encouraged him to continue with his creative efforts. I didn't really know much about Shepard's art but I was blown away. He even uses one of my favorite sayings, "QUESTION EVERYTHING". His work is very political and graphic. He is heavily influenced by Warhol, punk design and communist propaganda (posters). I became very inspired to continue with my mission and to never hold back. Mental illness stigma has yet to be dealt with but it is very necessary if we want to see progress. By the way, this was Shepard's first show after 20 years of work. Being a graphic designer, it is nice to see this type of art is being recognized. Visit this site if you would like to learn more.

2009-04-15T19:02:00.000-07:00

MY ART PRINTS ARE FINALLY FOR SALE!!

I am very happy to announce that my art prints and posters are FINALLY UP FOR SALE!! The proofing process took longer than expected so I apologize for the delay (I am a perfectionist). Payments are handled though the very secure PayPal. I would like to remind everyone that 75% of ALL print sales will be donated to various mental health charities. I am excited to contribute in some way, especially with research. Hopefully we will see new and improved treatments in the future (my hope is for a cure)!

If you have any questions, please let me know. The larger art prints are the closest in size to my original canvas paintings. Very vibrant prints! I have listed framing suggestions with each print. I will include this with each print order as well. Thank you again for your continued support and kind words. I hope my artwork will act as a reminder of how much courage is needed to overcome this illness. Please forward this email to as many people as you can.

Click here to go directly to the online store.

2009-04-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

PUBLIC HEALTH IN ANCIENT TIMES

A man contacted me soon after my website went live. He was interested in my cause and recently completed his masters in Public Health. He submitted a paper to his dean about an incident that occurred in Nevada among the Anasazi. I hope you have the chance to read his paper below. His paper reminds us of how far we have come with mental health resources and knowledge. However, I think there are shocking similarities between stigma then and now. We owe it to the millions affected by mental illness to educate the public.

Petroglyph Symbols Tell a Story of Public Health

"In Nevada there are many sites where petroglyphs have been carved into stone. Petroglyophs are pictures or symbols that have been etched into stone, often to tell a story. They were created by ancient Native Americans between 300 BC and 1150 AD. Clans of Native Americans known as the Basketmakers and the Anasazi lived in the area during those years, at different times, and are responsible for recording this story of a Public Health tragedy.

The Clan occupied the area of the Virgin and Muddy River Valleys in southeast Nevada. They had at least two base villages, neither of which supplied all their basic requirements and they made yearly migrations between the sites and into the mountains for hunting and seed gathering, as well as for comfort. The higher elevations of the mountains provided cooler temperatures during the summer and the valleys below were warmer during the winter.
Year after year they followed the same routes after establishing where life sustaining water could be found. At a halfway point was an outcropping of rock with depressions worn into places by water and weather in the past. These depressions held water after the rains fell, and in the spring clan members would watch for storms that would fill the depressions as a signal that it was time to begin their migration up the mountain.

They heavily depended on the water in the natural cisterns to quench their thirst and to refill their handmade water containers. A sad tale is recorded in the petroglyphs nearby.

One man who had an antisocial mental condition which he probably could not control polluted the depressions of water with his own waste. Some of the members of the clan became very sick, and some later died. A leader of the group chastised the man, who they labeled the Evil Man, but he was unwilling or unable to listen.

A mediator was brought in but his attempts to assist the two men in communication were a total failure. The clan members attempted to dispose of the contaminated water so that others could avoid drinking it, but the Evil Man continued to offend them by dousing them with his wastes from higher on the cliff.

Great turmoil resulted. Those who were sick were isolated from the rest, and their discomfort from intestinal disease was recorded. A number of individuals died.

At least two council meetings took place where the problem was assessed and it was determined there was no easy solution. They did not know how to treat the mental condition or how to correct his behavior. They determined that the evil offenses had to be brought to an end, and the only way to do that and save their clan was to “chop off” his life. The Evil Man was bound, hands and feet, and he was placed in a controlled environment. He continued to use verbal threats against the clan members. They took him to a nearby high cliff, and despite the Evil Man’s continued protests, without guilt (as a result of their joint reasoning) threw him over the edge of the cliff.

The council members talked about how their Spirit God was angered toward the Evil Man, and were sure that their God rendered punishment, in addition to his death.

The clan had to continue their journey without water, and because of this, began one morning early before daybreak. Their trip was slowed by the individuals who were ill, and trail became known as the Ill Trail.

Some of the members of the band of Indians survived, we know, because years later the story was recorded. Then sometime later, the story was re-recorded, with better organization and detail.

This story certainly is a tale of public health. The environmental crisis potentiated by this one man had the capacity to wipe out the entire clan of Native Americans. The leaders recognized this and realized that the man had a mental condition that could not be controlled. They reasoned together and came to the only solution that would give their group a chance of survival.

The petroglyphs that tell this story are fascinating, and can be seen in The Offense of the Evil Man. The information used for this paper comes from The Offense of the Evil Man (and its consequences) by Verl Frehner, published by Rocky Mountain Printing in 2003."

2009-04-03T19:55:00.001-07:00

ANOTHER ONE SIDED NEWS STORY

I hate to have to post about these stories but I feel I must. A mother has been charged with stabbing her daughter with a scissors and attempting to strangle her. You can read the rest of the article here. Now, what this woman did to her daughter is unthinkable and truly heartbreaking. However, because I know first hand what mental illness can do to someone who is untreated, I have to discuss the other side of the story. When these stories break, the media has an opportunity to educate the public about mental illness. We could reduce stigma if the public understood why this woman acted in such violence. Instead, news stories amplified the severity of the violence and even provided audio of the incident. Many versions of the story start out by saying that the woman was heard screaming "Die! Die!" in the 911 call. Now, to any reader, of course he/she will think that this woman was capable of this horrific act. Even if we tell the public that the woman had a history of mental illness, they can only reference movie villains or other one sided news stories. Some information led me to beleive that the mother was suffering from a paranoid episode (being chased by a cult). Also, "Johnson has a history of depression and had not been taking her medication, Binder said, adding she does not remember the attack in the laundry room."

The media will never advertise that less than 5% of those with a mental disorder have a history of violence. There are so many facts kept private from the public. There has to be a way to fight the media on this. I will keep thinking of ways to make a change here because if the public does not understand what caused the attack, then they will continue to view ALL INDIVIDUALS as "psychotic, schizo, crazy monsters" who are merely expendable human beings. We are in desperate need of more discussion. There are too many courageous individuals out there dealing with a very real illness. Lack of education about mental illness is evident in the comments below:

"Please even if you are a bit on the loony side you know it is wrong to stab and try to kill your child. People who hurt defenseless innocent children are the worst to me. I hope she rots in hell."

"If you're stabbing and attempting to murder your child, you're a nutter."

"Rotten!!!!! 100 of the same to the mother!!!!!"

2009-04-01T14:47:00.001-07:00

WHY AM I SO EXCITED FOR MAY?

Well, for two reasons. It is mental health month and I will be showing my artwork at two galleries Syracuse, NY. I am extra excited because I grew up in Syracuse and my brother lives there. He is in a state hospital but I hope he is well enough to come by the exhibit. My anti-stigma video documentary will be shown for the first time during the first show so I am very happy to hear what people think.

I will finally have prints of my artwork/posters available for sale. 75% of all print sales will be donated to charity. So, if you know anyone who lives in the Syracuse area, please let them know about the shows. Email me for details.

2009-03-26T18:43:00.000-07:00

OPPRESSION COMES IN MANY SHAPES SIZES AND COLORS: PART II

Sorry for the delay, but this post compliments the photo essay in the post below (please view before reading on). I am always pondering the many complexities of mental illness stigma. One topic that I often dwell on is the history of oppression (in all societies). "Oppression is defined as the use of power to disempower, marginalize, silence or otherwise subordinate one social group or category, often in order to further empower and/or privilege the oppressor. Social oppression may not require formally established organizational support to achieve its desired effect; it may be applied on a more informal, yet more focused, individual basis." Most of us have experienced or learned about various types of oppression. I would like to outline a few in order to compare any similarities and differences.

African Americans have endured many forms of discrimination, but why? The color of their skin? So they LOOK different. I can't really think of any other reason why they had to experience years of intense oppression except for a few stereotypes. "Many terms were used to describe (and brand) African Americans such as superstitious, lazy, and ignorant. Today’s stereotypes are not much different, and include unintelligent, loud, very religious, poor, and criminal." These stereotypes are made up in order to empower the majority. Unfortunately, African American's can not hide their skin color, so they can not hide from discrimination and hate. These individuals fought hard and long to obtain their Civil Rights. This inpirational time in history paved the way for our current African American president. It also proved that the majority can embrace the minority.

Woman are faced with a similar dilemma in that they can not hide their identity (as a female). Because of this, women were forced to fight for their right to vote. Now I don't want to be blunt, but men did not view women as equal, so they were not ALLOWED to vote. After all, women have roles, right? Who needs an identity or right to vote when women are meant to have babies and watch after the house (sense the sarcasm). Women also experienced intense oppression in the workplace, and to some degree, still do. However, it was OK for women to do a "MAN'S JOB" during WWII. Propaganda was used during this time to lure women into the war industries. "The government’s war time efforts to recruit women had several themes, the main one being patriotism. The campaigns told women that the war would end sooner if more women worked. Women were also warned that if they did not work then a soldier would die, people would call them slackers, and they were equivalent to men who avoided the draft (Rupp 96). Women who took war jobs were praised." Even though, most women were sent back to the home when the war ended, this important time in history was not forgotten. Women continued to fight for equality in the workplace far after WWII.

Sexual harassment will always exist as a tool to intimidate one party by empowering the other. As a woman, I have experienced this in my past, but you learn to speak up and correct unacceptable behavior. Thankfully, there are laws in place to combat this. I also can't walk through a hardware store without getting asked, "do you need any help". I get this question, even when I give NO indication that I am confused by all the tools. Sorry I forgot to read my role book that day, but I have installed chandeliers, sinks, electrical outlets, hardwood floors, moulding, etc. All without the help of a man:) I am not this serious all the time, trust me, I do have a sense of humor!

Hitler use of propaganda allowed for the extermination of millions of Jews. "Hitler made the Jews the scapegoat for everything that was wrong in Germany and convinced enough people that they were taking up space that would be better used by his "Master Race" of aryans." Really sick. Hitler also killed anyone who appeared to have a mental disorder or physical deformaties. This sad peice of history amplifies the notion that differences are not acceptable. An appetite for power or personal fear prevents equality. This sense of entitlement has destroyed so many innocent individuals. Hitler was on a mission to create the perfect race. The scary thing is, he was not finished after the holocast. He planned to exterminate other races that were not "perfect". Many of us are still here because of those who fought to end this horrible oppression and hate.

Animals have a very special place in my heart. They are therapeutic and kind. Since they do not have a voice, they can not object to slaughter, cruelty or lack of empathy. I have an intense sense of empathy which is why I choose to purchase eggs, dairy and meats that are produced on farms where the animals are cage free, slaughtered humanely and not given steroids or antibiotics. It's expensive to eat this way, but very worth it. If an animal will be ultimately slaughtered for our consumption, than the least we can do is give them a comfortable life up until that point. The reason why people may not view acts against animals as inhumane is because these animals do not have a voice. We must remember that humans are also animals and all animals feel pain. I have to stop talking about this because it is making me too sad. Just go watch "Fast Food Nation" or visit this site to learn more.

Right now, we are experiencing a very important battle for civil rights. Gay and lesbian individuals are fighting for their right to marry. This may seem like a little request but by allowing same sex marriage, these indiviuals will receive the same economic benefits that married couples have. Now, why are so many against same sex marriage? Because it goes against the idea that marriage is the "inherently procreative relationship of opposite-sex pair-bonding or to protect an intimate relationship for the purposes of its procreative potential". It is still debated by many, but I beleive that you do not CHOOSE to be homosexual. I won't go into my reasons (it would take a while) but plain and simply, oppression prevents progress. So this battle for civil rights may take a while. However, I am very happy that these individuals are speaking out because that is the only way to enact change.

Finally, I come to the topic which fuels my passion to fight stigma. Our society is still very comfortable with oppression against those with a mental disorder. The main reason why this discrimination is so intense is due to lack of education, propaganda and fear. When an individual (with mental illness) is not medicated, he or she will present a behavior that is strange or different. Others will sheild their behavior and suffer in silence. Those who have recovered preserve their identity by hiding their illness from the public as well. Who can blame them? When an illness carries such stigma, many run the risk of being forced to identify with their illness, as opposed to their true self. However, if we do not talk about mental illness, we can not replace fear with empathy or shame with courage. The truth can eliminate the stereotypes and myths but we need more voices to carry out this message. My message to society: make sure you hear both sides before you decide.

Oppression may taint our history but it also tests the strength and courage of an individual or race.

2009-03-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

OPPRESSION COMES IN MANY SHAPES, SIZES AND COLORS: PART I

I intend to post about my photo essay (below) very soon.

2009-03-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

SOME MORE POSITIVE NEWS

My brother is in a state hospital right now and continues to improve. This experience is new for him because he is required to wake up at 7 am everyday. He is also not allowed in his room for a good portion of the day. I think this is good because he has less of a chance to dwell on his thoughts. Plus, he is more likely to interact with others. All patients must go to the cafeteria for their meals and meet for group. I think any type of routine can help.

I have mentioned in the past that a few doctors have weren't so optimistic about my brother's prognosis. Well, his new doctor has very positive things to say. She said my brother is very nice, educated and predicts that his prognosis will be good. Time will only tell, but it was the first time my mother felt like this doctor could help my brother accept his illness. She has over 30 years experience which is reassuring. I talked to my brother the other day and he really misses one of my dogs (picture above). I can't wait until my bro gets better and he can hug Miles again:) It's so ironic because Miles is a silly, neurotic boxer who seems to intimidate others (due to his muscular build and size). However, Miles has nothing but love to give. People judge Miles based on his image and the fact that he LOOKS mean. If you give Miles a chance, you will need a towel to wipe his sloppy kisses off your face. My brother has a certain bond with Miles I can't describe. He is the only one who ever asks about him. Usually, people ask about my hound who is much more submissive.

But with Miles you can't help but laugh at him. Like all boxers, Miles is a clown and very hard headed. Such a personality. Dogs are very therapeutic, though. They have helped me though these past three years. I swear they can sense sadness. If I was down about my bro, they would comfort me or lick my face:) They are also the only ones who can make my brother smile, even when he is not doing well. Anyway, just thought I would share that with you. Above are a few pics we have taken of Miles and Basie over the years. They are dressed up as Scrooge and Tiny Tim for a holiday card in one of the pics. The photo shoot took an hour:)

2009-03-17T19:36:00.001-07:00

A REAL POINT OF VIEW

I've been meaning to post about this great article I read a few weeks ago. The article was written by a young man with schizophrenia. His insightful point of view sheds light on the reality behind mental illness and stigma. I was saddened and shocked by the statistics. Here is what he had to say: "

Schizophrenia Has Become the Elephant in the Room for the Modern Medical Community

"Having lived as a diagnosed schizophrenic since the summer of 2001 (technically having been bearing the actual affliction since birth), I feel that my position provides me with a unique perspective on a widely-misunderstood disease that many view only through the disinterested disdain of the media: the raving lunatic on the streets, shouting at passer-bys, the "problem child" (the one in the institution) nobody in the family talks about in polite company, Anthony Hopkins tearing off a cop's face (in a movie, I hope). In fact, among the general population of those afflicted, less than 1% exhibit violence related to the disease, and fewer than 10% require institutionalization at any point during their lives. But what is schizophrenia really, if not the stylized madness portrayed in popular film and television? Schizophrenia is not so much a 'disease,' really, as a 'syndrome,' in that it is an aggregate of lesser, separately-diagnosable mental conditions." Read the rest of the article here...

As always, I look forward to your comments :)

2009-03-11T18:24:00.000-07:00

THE MEDIA AND PROPAGANDA

To be a victim is to be adversely affected by a force or agent. When an individual is victimized by someone with mental illness, society views the offender as 100% evil. Honestly, I can understand the abrupt judgment, but isn't mental illness a force out of one's power? This would make the criminal (in this case) a victim. So here are a few reasons why we as a society can not clearly make this distinction:

1. We do not educate the public about mental illness.

2. The media jumps at the chance to sensationalize any criminal act made by a person with mental illness

3. The act is viewed as something within the person's control

Here are some FACTS about violence and mental illness that may help society form a more accurate opinion:

1. 95% of all murders are committed by SANE individuals (people who are aware of their actions)

2. 95% of those with a mental disorder have NO HISTORY of violence

3. Individuals with schizophrenia are far more likely to harm themselves than others

Why are these facts kept from the public? Well, the media has one agenda: to shock the public. They know that stories about mental illness and violence have an instant shock value. The result: ignorance and fear. So much damage has been done that it will take years to strip away the stigma. I believe the next generation has a chance to embrace this topic, but for now, I am not so confident that the adult generations will give truth a chance. People tell me that I cannot change everyone's opinion. However, I do think that education/art can inspire empathy.

Propaganda has silenced millions of those trying to recover from a mental disorder. It makes me really sick. Those stories we hear about in the news (i.e. "The Canadian Greyhound Bus Beheading") are all part of the media's agenda to SELL FEAR. I will stop rambling and give you a real life example. I came across a story about the man (Vince Li, who has schizophrenia). He beheaded another man, Tim McLean, on a Greyhound bus. My heart truly goes out to Tim (and his family) for he had to loose his life in such a horrific way. I might want to add that this could have been prevented if Li was medicated. What makes me even sadder is what Li told the police:

""God told me to do it. Otherwise it would come back to life very quick and kill me. So I cut it up to make sure he couldn't come back to life ... God told me to cut off his head, so I did." After that, with blood smeared on his face from the attack, he politely apologized to police and pleaded with officers to take his life."

I remember one time my brother had told me that if he ever acted out any of the voices commands that we should kill him. This seemed so very terrifying to me because I understood how horrific and real the voices seemed to him.

Now to the public, this story must seem unbelievable and horrible. But instead of dwelling on the obvious, why can't we deal with the cause and try to prevent it in the future. If we started to eliminate stigma, more individuals might seek treatment. I think the public needs to know what it is like to deal with schizophrenia everyday (recovered or not). I want them to see the adversity these individuals face everyday with their illness/stigma. They need to know what it is like for the family members who witness the pain and suffering. This side of the story is NEVER told and it desperately needs to be. Stigma will continue to thrive as long as propaganda overpowers the truth.

Here is how the same story was posted on the blog and I included some of the fearful responses (there were SO many to choose from):

"Remember The Canadian Greyhound Bus Beheading??? The murderer was just found not guilty by reason of insanity! He will be sent to an institution, without serving any jail time, and will be mentally evaluated every year. If and when he is deemed "sane" again, the murderer will be released."

Responses:

"Rediculous. The laws definitely need to be changed. If someone is mentally unstable and commits crimes, I believe that is EVEN MORE reason to put them behind bars. I believe that they should build a prision or make a section of a prision dedicated to mentally unsound criminals. If someone is "crazy" enough to behead someone and not "realize" they are doing it, they need to stay out of society! PERIOD!!!

"As a Canadian it makes me sick to live in a country were this is ok, As long as you inhabit some form of mental problem (Depression, schizophrenia…) ur actions are not your own.
This idiot was taking meds already and he went off them when the voices told him too and so he goes and kills a kid. now he is being treated in the same way, given a hand full of drugs to keep him hush hush for a while and then release him again !"

"Lock him up in a straight jacket and a muzzle. didn't he eat part of his victim ? SICK!" I agree with you that mental illness is serious but it was his responsibility to get treatment so that this would not happen. Because he did not get treatment, it is now his responsibility for being negligent"

"The crack heads that ride the bus to stay warm are one thing, but those with weapons obviously of the intent to preform a butcher are a different story. By the sounds of what went around shortly after the incident, to the conflicting psychological examinations, this man sounds crazy yes, but he KNEW what he was doing and KNEW that it was wrong… he stabbed this kid that was sleeping! For no reason except he was the closest victim!"

These types of responses are based on fear. What these individuals don't know is that they probably encounter many people with mental illness everyday. They may not know it because they are so used to the fabricated image that the media has created. I apologize for the long post but I would love to hear what you think!

2009-03-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

STORIES OF RECOVERY

I may have been a little vague in the request two posts down (on March 5th) but I was hoping to incorporate 4-5 stories of recovery in a documentary I will be creating for educational purposes. If you are interested, please refer to the bulleted list two posts down for details. You can email me your information at: acodesign@adelphia.net. Hope to hear from you soon!!!

2009-03-08T11:02:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU MENTALHELP.NET

FOR MENTIONING MY CAUSE

I would like to thank Mark Dombeck, Ph.D. who is the director of a very informative website, mentalhelp.net. Mark was so kind to contact me and express interest in my anti-stigma educational campaign. I was very humbled by his admiration! After a few emails and a phone call, Mark and his staff wrote an article about my cause. This article will allow me to reach a much larger audience. After all, my mission is to inspire others so that we can begin to chip away at the stigma that surrounds mental illness.

I encourage you to bookmark mentalhelp.net. This helpful website "promotes online mental health education and provides scientifically accurate and up-to-date coverage of mental health and illness topics." They also offer a Mental Health Support Community which can benefit both those dealing with a mental disorder and professionals.

So I would like to thank Mark and his staff again for their generous article and for providing individuals with much needed support and understanding. I commend you for all your efforts.

2009-03-05T08:23:00.000-08:00

STORIES OF RECOVERY

During the next two months, I will be creating a short documentary about mental illness/stigma. I will present this video to the public while my exhibit is shown (at a gallery) during late April and May. There is said to be news coverage at the opening. Once I receive initial feedback, I intend to use this documentary as an educational tool. I will be devoting a portion of this documentary to the "faces of recovery". Since so many of you have inspired me with stories of recovery, I think it could be quite powerful to send this message to public. If anyone is interested, here is what I would need:

1) 1-4 images of yourself (preferably candid). The shots could be of yourself, with family/pets, at your job, enjoying your favorite hobby, etc.

2) Your diagnosis date (year) and length of time you have been in recovery (this could be the sum of time even in between relapses)

3) A quote describing what recovery means to you

4) A quote describing how stigma has affected you (good or bad)

5) What you wish for most (in regards to mental illness or stigma)

6) Any artwork that you have created as part of your art therapy

7) Anything else that might be helpful to tell your story

8) Permission to use your quotes and images

I would like to get your approval of the finished film clip (with your story) once I have it completed. I know this seems like a lot but it will all work to put a face on recovery. In the end, your story will encourage others to view your journey as courageous and hopefully put an end to public fear.

Looking forward to hearing from you soon! Feel free to contact me via email: acodesign@adelphia.net

2009-03-04T13:53:00.000-08:00

DOCTOR INAPPROPRIATELY DIAGNOSES JOAQUIN PHOENIX WITH SCHIZOPHRENIA WITHOUT EVER MEETING HIM

I don't even know where to begin. I am upset that a well know psychiatrist would publicly diagnose Joaquin with a mental disorder without ever meeting him. I mean ethically, this doctor should have his license removed. From what I have read, no doctor can diagnose a patient with schizophrenia unless he/she has exhibited symptoms (from a criteria) for at least six months. It's bad enough that this doctor would attempt to convince the public that Joaquin is suffering from a mental disorder but the worst part, he has succeeded in fueling stigma. If you haven't already heard about this story, Paul Dobransky — a relationships expert and author of The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love (maybe he's trying to sell more books) — told the Los Angeles Times:

"I am NOT Dr. Drew, and thus cannot diagnose any drug-related abuse problems. If he is on drugs, he needs DR.DREW; however, after observing Joaquin Phoenix, it is apparent he is schizophrenic. Schizophrenia causes DELUSIONAL THINKING, LACK OF EMOTION, POOR HYGIENE, PARANOIA COMBINED WITH TICKING OF THE SPEECH, AND THIS PSYCHOTIC DISORDER CAUSES LOSS OF OR A SPLIT FROM REALITY. I believe Joaquin Phoenix needs medical attention." For the fans that adore him, they need to focus on the solution. Joaquin has plainly stated, "This is not a hoax."

And I got to be honest, but Phoenix’s rep, Susan Patricola, was on the money with her response:

“How absolutely inappropriate for a doctor who has no personal interaction or relationship with someone to diagnose them [...] And to do so in a public forum [...] Hope they spelled his name right. Another 15-minute ‘expert’ is born!” (mtv.com)

What we have here is yet another example of how this illness is so misunderstood. When a doctor makes a claim like this, most people (who are not very educated about mental illness, and I say this because it is true) assume that it is true if it came from a doctor. This doctor has also shown that it's OK to judge others and claim that they have a mental disorder simply because of their behavior. Can I tell someone that they have a stomach ache? Dobransky has succeeded in creating an inaccurate image of mental illness (long beard, speech problems, acting out of the ordinary). We rarely see a realistic representation of schizophrenia (other than a handful of movies). When will we start representing recovery? It will take more than my a grass roots cause but I will keep trying to find creative ways to reach the public. Well, what I think is that this doctor should be reprimanded by making a public statement in which he apologizes for his claim and should educate the public about schizophrenia. This would be a very good opportunity to put to rest some of the myths & stereotypes.

Beyond this story, lets think about WHY everyone is so concerned about Joaquin's behavior. I think he makes it obvious just how consumed our society is with NORMAL. "Sit up straight, comb your hair, don't cause a scene." Haven't we all grown bored with normal? I have. His interview with Letterman just proves how fascinated we are with anything out of the ordinary. Let's embrace our differences and willingness to push the envelope. For all we know, the jokes on us.

2009-02-28T22:10:00.000-08:00

CONTROL: JOY DIVISION

I wanted to share with you yet another story of suicide. I plan to post more about suicide because this topic is often subject to intense scrutiny and judgement. This judgment may be based on someone's inability to understand suicide.

My husband told me about a movie we simply had to watch called "Control" (trailer seen here). All I knew was that the film depicted Joy Division's rise to fame. The band, formed in 1976, has influenced many former and current musical artists. I personally LOVE Joy Division's music/sound and encourage others to listen.

"Control", told from the lead singer's point of view, follows Ian Curtis who evidently suffered from depression and epilepsy. His struggles with depression were fueled by a deteriorating marriage. He married quite young. He frequently suffered from seizures, even while on stage. "Curtis's writing was filled with imagery of emotional isolation, death, alienation, and urban decay. He once commented in an interview that he wrote about "the different ways different people can cope with certain problems, how they might or might not adapt"." This is clearly a statement which illustrates his own struggle to cope.

It's important to point out that Ian's wife, Debrah, had discovered he was having an affair while on tour with his band. He had traveled home to persuade his wife to drop the divorce suit but was unsuccessful. Ian then told his wife to leave him alone in their house until the following day. She later discovered her husband had hung himself in their kitchen. After his death, Ian's bandmates confessed, "I think all of us made the mistake of not thinking his suicide was going to happen. We all completely underestimated the danger. We didn't take it seriously. That's how stupid we were." There were obvious red flags that both Debrah and the band were aware of. However, no one can ever predict if suicide will happen or not. If someone is determined, he/she may never confess thoughts of suicide.

It is thought that Ian's depression intensified when he failed to balance his marriage with his musical career. He was also failing to cope with his epilepsy (he had violent seizures and was taking medicine). Annik Honeré, who Ian had an affair with, was asked to comment on Joy Division's new album. She replied, "I'm terrified. Don't you understand? He means it." And I (the interviewer) go, "No, he doesn't mean it - it's art. And guess what? He fucking meant it."

When someone dies from suicide, others may question whether or not they could have prevented it. Family and friends will wonder why their loved one chose to end his/her life. This search for an answer makes it very difficult to find closure. It can be hard to accept that someone was lost due to mental illness or intense emotional turmoil. We can accept that every instance of suicide is never the same and is very personal. When someone dies from a different disease (cancer, stroke, heart attack), people tend to mourn much differently. These types of death appear to be inevitable and out of the person's control. Suicide leaves most puzzled because there is this need to understand a person's choice to end the pain. Some may blame a person for choosing suicide. But can we blame someone for the mental disorder that caused suicide? No! Suicide is a coping mechanism that some may feel is the only way to escape.

As with any death, suicide requires empathy/understanding, not judgement/criticism. Many family's will deny that suicide was a cause of death. They may say, "it was an accident" or never talk about their lost loved one because the shame is too great to bear. Shame, which at one time engrossed their loved one, can be adopted by a family. Some may even live with this shame/burden for their rest of their lives. In turn, a family will never mourn properly. In some cases these feelings can lead to depression. At times, I believe I may be suffering with a slight case of depression but I try to acknowledge that these feelings will come and go. I just try to cope in a healthy manner.

Suicide may never be preventable but we can stop judging those who die from it. Mental illness is very real and suicide is the leading cause of death (with this illness). Some may think that suicide is a choice but mental illness, clearly, is not.

This post may not be based on fact, but I do speak from experience. With suicide, there is no text book to guide you, only human emotion. Thanks for putting up with my strong opinions:)

2009-02-25T20:49:00.000-08:00

SOME GOOD NEWS

My mom just informed me that my brother will be admitted to a county hospital for long term care. I really think he will benefit from a long term stay because he still doesn't admit that he has schizophrenia. I believe he will start to put the pieces together and realize that the medicine allows him to think clearly. It's such a long road but he is strong and has a supportive family behind him.

2009-02-24T11:53:00.000-08:00

FIGHTING STIGMA: "THE SOLIST"

I am so excited that "The Soloist" will be hitting theaters soon. Not many movies portray mental illness in a positive light. I think this movie will inspire the public to form an accurate opinion of mental illness. Please visit "The Soloist" website to view the movie's trailer. I often ponder the connection between creativity and mental illness. This movie shows how a man can find peace through his creativity/music and find purpose through a friend. I hope to see more movies like this one in the future. I am reminded of how "A Beautiful Mind" was successful in humanizing schizophrenia. These movies are necessary if we want to erase stigma. Hollywood is notorious for sensationalizing and exploiting mental illness in order to sell tickets. In the end, these movies fuel prejudice, fear, shame...the list goes on.

Does anyone have any thoughts on how to reach movie studios? I think they need to know when they are producing media that negatively affects those with a mental disorder. Stigma Busters might be a good place to start. I found a site called Media Matters. They aim to monitor and correct misinformation in the media. I commend their efforts, but was surprised to find that they don't even mention mental illness/stigma as an issue. I think I will contact them and see if they can address this issue. Maybe I will just picket the movie studios:) Just thoughts!!

2009-02-22T21:41:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOSH:)

I would like to wish my brother Josh, a very happy birthday. He turns 26 today. He's currently in the hospital working towards recovery. I am very grateful for the moments of recovery I have been able to share with my brother. I look forward to more of them. I would also like to thank my parents for their undying support. Without them, I don't know where my brother would be. Miss you Josh!

2009-02-14T20:57:00.000-08:00

ART THERAPY: EDVARD MUNCH

In preparation for my first exhibit, I had to create an hour long presentation for the NAMI conference. At first I was nervous about filling in an entire hour with information. However, I soon discovered that I could go on for hours. I found links between mental illness, creativity, the right side of the brain, art therapy and even stigma. I plan to use some of my research in an informative documentary (for educational purposes). A portion of my presentation shed light onto the topic of art therapy. One very famous artist who I feel a deep connection with is Edvard Munch. We both have the same muse. Empathy. We also have something else in common. We have a sibling with schizophrenia.

Edvard is most well known for his painting (seen above), The Scream. Painted in 1893, The Scream represents the anxiety of modern man. With this painting, Moonk met his stated goal of “the study of the soul, that is to say the study of my own self”. Moonk wrote of how the painting came to be: "I was walking down the road with two friends when the sun set; suddenly, the sky turned as red as blood. I stopped and leaned against the fence, feeling unspeakably tired. Tongues of fire and blood stretched over the bluish black water. My friends went on walking, while I lagged behind, shivering with fear. Then I heard the enormous, infinite scream of nature.” He later described the personal anguish behind the painting, “for several years I was almost mad…You know my picture, ‘’The Scream?’’ I was stretched to the limit—nature was screaming in my blood… After that I gave up hope ever of being able to love again.”

Edvard was the second of five children (I also am the second of five children). He was only five years old when his mother died of tuberculosis. Nine years later, his oldest sister, Sophie died from the same illness. The loss of his sister affected Munch so much that she became a frequent theme in his work. His painting, The Sick Child (seen below), is an image of Sophie as she lay dying in bed. From this painting, you can sense the empathy one brother felt for his dying sister. When I saw this painting, I was reminded of how I felt when I painted, Psychosis (also seen below). Of all my paintings, this one means the most to me because it represents how I feel when I witness my brother's psychosis. I will never forget the blank look in his eyes as I tried to convince him that the bombs (he thought were about to land on us) were not real. This was the first time my family witnessed a psychosis of that intensity.

We were in a hotel room, three hours from home and my parents did the only thing they felt was right. They drove three hours home at four in the morning (we stayed in a hotel because we were out of town for my oldest sister's wedding). About two hours into their trip, my brother convinced them to pull into a rest stop. He was convinced that my husband and I were in danger (we were still at the hotel) of being hit by a bomb. My brother proceeded to flee the car and run up the shoulder of the thruway only inches from moving cars. My father chased after him. It's amazing what adrenaline allowed my father to do. He caught up with my brother and remove his shoes. Just as someone was watching over my brother in Italy (when his first episode hit), someone gave my father the strength and quick thinking to save my brother from being hit by the cars traveling at 75 miles per hour. My parents went straight the hospital but were turned away because my brother popped a pill in his mouth. I still think my brother should have been allowed a long hospital stay. My parents felt helpless. I started to get used to these unthinkable stories. It's just part of the disease and you have no choice but to get used to it. Now, back to Munch.

Munch endured two more family tragedies. First his younger sister developed schizophrenia, then his brother Andreas died. Munch suffered a nervous breakdown (most likely triggered by constant, family tragedy) and was admitted to a clinic where he received electric shock treatment and spent several months recovering. His response to recovery: "I would not cast off my illness for there is much in my art that I owe to it." Some think his art lost its edge after he was released from the hospital.

Edvard Munch's art allows us to understand how anxiety, loneliness and empathy can affect the human psyche. Before Edvard Munch passed away, he said," From my rotting body, flowers shall grow and I am in them and that is eternity." To many this may seem like a disturbing or morbid thing to say, but I think it shows how an individual can acknowledge his purpose in life. I hope this inspires others to leave their own impression. To me, life has no purpose if I lack passion. Art is my passion, voice and purpose. People ask me why am I always creating. I tell them that it is like a hunger and at times an obsession. Without it, I am not happy and now, I have found a way to use art as a tool (to educate). When words are sometimes ignored, art can speak volumes, without even saying a word.

2009-02-13T08:13:00.000-08:00

MY PLANS FOR CHANGE

After all that has been going on with my brother, I have even more reason to fight stigma. One of the ways I plan to raise awareness in the future is by reaching students on the elementary, high school and college levels. Since there are so many misconceptions surrounding mental illness, I think that education is key. I learned so much about AIDS and drugs in the classroom. When AIDS became an epidemic, so many people were afraid of contracting the virus. Many thought that you could catch it from a kiss or even a touch. This of course was not the case but by educating others about the facts, we started to strip the stigma. I plan to eventually create a national campaign which would reach the public but for now, I will focus on creating educational programs.

In a classroom setting, the mind is very open and students are just waiting to absorb information. They will take this education and apply it in real life situations. I hope to replace fear with empathy and shame with courage. I plan to incorporate my art exhibit, posters and much more information into a single DVD movie. Part of the lessen plan will involve discussion and possibly a written assignment. These are just ideas:)

I was recently invited to join my local mental health board. This is a great opportunity for me to get involved in my community and connect with local school officials. Also, the board encourages my mission and said I should write a grant. I think it is healthy for me to funnel my frustrations into a positive goal. Well, I thought you might want to know how I am putting my skills to good use. Thank you for all of your support.

2009-02-11T20:40:00.000-08:00

A SYSTEM WITH SO MANY CRACKS

One thing that really bothers me about the mental health system is how a loved one can only be admitted to the hospital if he or she is threat to his/herself or others (aren't we trying to prevent violence?). When you can not tell you are sick, you may only get treatment if you hurt someone, disrupt society or worse, attempt to end your life. This applies to many individuals during the early years of their illness. There have been times when my family felt that my brother needed to be admitted but the hospital turned him away. They said he wasn't a threat and that they can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do. I understand that an individual has to accept treatment in his/her own time, but this symptom we call "lack of insight" prevents treatment from happening. I wish there were more programs that would aid in one's recovery. Does it come down to money or stigma? I feel that these issues are continuously swept under the rug. My parents have heard time and time gain that the hospital's hands are tied. However, that seems like an excuse when I know certain doctors are willing to fight for a patient.

Since schizophrenia is a chronic/disabling illness, isn't that reason enough to improve care? As a family member, you get the feeling that your loved one could fall through the cracks at any moment. Lack of psychiatric care can even lead to suicide in some cases. I am not trying to say that the mental health system will fix everyone, but by improving the system, we may begin to see more cases of recovery.

2009-02-01T13:58:00.000-08:00

CAN SUICIDE BE PREVENTED?

A mother once emailed me, after viewing my exhibit, and told me that her son had died from suicide. She refused to say he "commit" suicide. She viewed her son's death as a direct result of his mental illness. I agree with her because my own brother has attempted suicide, thankfully he has not succeeded. These attempts were made in order to escape psychosis, the pain and a lower quality of life. This is sad since life can improve with the help of medicine, therapy and family support. Another woman I know (who lost her sister to suicide), was not allowed to talk about her feelings with her family. Her mother called it an accident. Her father never mentioned his deceased daughter's name again. Very sad.

Many view suicide as shameful act; unethical and immoral in most cultures. Lack of awareness and lack of empathy prevent our society from viewing suicide as a way to cope with severe and chronic illnesses. Death from cancer (for instance) is thought to be out of the person's control. Mental illness is also out of a person's control, yet we criticize those who die from suicide. When someone dies from cancer, he or she will be viewed as a victim. When someone dies from suicide, he or she usually dies feeling very alone. The individual is viewed as a quitter, not a victim. Over ninety percent of people who die from suicide have a mental illness at the time of their death. This is reason enough to believe that suicide is sometimes the only way one can cope. I don't think we have the right to judge since we are not experiencing the intense emotional turnmoil that may trigger suicide.

But can suicide be prevented? I have often asked myself this same question. I think that the more accepted mental illness becomes, the more open others will be to discussing their thoughts of suicide. Instead, those suffering feel as if their mental illness is their fault. (Side note, I am watching Jennifer Hudson sing the Star Spangled Banner at the start of the Super Bowl right now, just trying to hold back the tears :) If suicide is the direct result of untreated mental illness, then how can we improve the incidence of recovery? One reason why individuals will not seek treatment is due to stigma. This stigma can cause most to feel alone. You become unacceptable to society and as a result, begin to question your future. Education and awareness may cause others to embrace those with a mental disorder. It makes me sad to think that certain illnesses are acceptable over others.

The individuals in the above image (from left to right) are: Donny Hathaway (recording artist, suffered from schizophrenia, died due to self-inflicted fall from a hotel window), Kurt Cobain (songwriter, guitarist for grunge band, Nirvana, battled possible manic depression and drug addiction, died from self-inflicted gun shot wound to the head), Vincent van Gogh (pioneer of Expressionism, suffered from mental illness, died to to self-inflicted gun shot wound), Elliott Smith (singer-songwriter and musician, battled depression, alcoholism and drug addiction, died from two stab wounds to the chest)

2009-01-27T18:13:00.000-08:00

MOURNING THE LOSS OF THE BROTHER

I ONCE KNEW

I guess I would like to talk a little about how mental illness affects family. In this case, a sibling. I think it's safe to say that I have had a rough time accepting my brother's illness. Since I am a very nostalgic person, I often compare the past to the present. I dwell on how happy my brother was before his diagnosis. Everyday is a struggle for him. He seems to have a hard time making sense of everything that is happening. It must be very hard.

The first time I had a chance to talk to my brother (after his first break) was over the phone. He was in Italy, heavily medicated at a hospital. He did mustered the strength to turn himself into the embassy, though. The first words he uttered were, "Amber, what's happening". To this day, I still remember how fragile and helpless his voice sounded. It was at that moment that I had my first wave of empathy rush over me. I couldn't help but wonder how scared and confused he must have been. Now, after 3 years of coping, so many possibilities run through my head. Will he gain insight, stay on the medicine, never gain insight, or worse, commit suicide. These are the things you never get out of your mind. Some days you worry less, but in the end, there is still this sense of loss. I have lowered my expectations because that's what they tell you to do. That was a hard one to accept. All I wish for now is that he chooses recovery. When they tell you to have patience they are telling you to become numb to the pain. I understand it takes time, but during that time, you can't ignore what is right in front of you. It almost feels like the old Josh is in a coma and he may come back some day. Do I wait or do I accept that he is gone.

I don't want to sound selfish, but I dread phone calls from my parents. The tone of the call is never upbeat. Well, at least with my mom. The call always ends up dwelling on what is happening with my brother. I sometimes feel like I am a therapist during these phone calls:) I have felt that way my whole life...like the mediator in my family. It does put a lot of pressure on me, mentally. I empathize too much and this can be very painful. I wish I could see a therapist, but I don't think my insurance covers it. That is why I paint, it is my own therapy. I sometimes wonder why this affects me so much since my other siblings seem to cope better than I do. Are they stronger? I seem to be an optimist in this situation but convincing yourself that things will get better is difficult when nothing seems to improve. I have to stop getting my hopes up and just accept that this illness has its ups and downs.

Over the summer, I got a taste of what recovery is like. It was like I had my brother back. He was laughing, joking around and just happy. At the same time, I could tell he was struggling with the weight gain and everything else. Just as my brother is still learning how to cope with his illness, I am trying to cope with seeing him go through it. I am constantly reminded of the boy I grew up with. He is the sweetest person I've ever known. He would do anything for you. I once asked him if he wanted to help install wood floors in my new house. Not only did he help, but he stayed an entire week and practically did all of it. No questions asked, no complaints. All he wanted was dinner:) This happened right before he left for Italy. Looking back, I could tell he was acting different around this time but no family is ever prepared. That is why I want to educate the pubic so they can view others, such as my brother, as inspiring individuals. I just had to vent, thank you for taking the time to listen:) Luckily, I have a very funny husband who makes me laugh. Laughing makes all this pain disappear.

2009-01-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

"MAYBE I'M THE ONE WHO IS THE SCHIZOPHRENIC PSYCHO"

I thought I would share a video with you by Puddle of Mudd. I came across the song while researching how the media affects stigma. The song is called "Psycho" but the term SCHIZOPHRENIC PSYCHO is repeated over and over again thoughout the song. I believe the narrator is comparing his girlfriend's attitude to a very serious mental disorder. But then I found the following quote, "The song is about wondering if oneself has a split personality and is a “psycho”, as lead singer Wes Scantlin sings “maybe I’m the one who is the schizophrenic psycho”." The music video was shot at the famed Bates Motel which adds another layer of discriminating media. I find that too many bands sacrifice originality for commerciality. In this case, the band creates a phrase and a hook that will appeal to or shock the listener. If the band wants to be original, they should stop modeling themselves after Nirvana. I will post more about Kurt Cobain in the future. Go watch Nirvana's "Teen Spirit" and you will see some striking similarities. Puddle of Mudd takes a sound that was already successful (when it entered the mainstream in the 90's) and reproduces it so they can appeal to the masses. This is very commercial and in no way original. Anyway, until there is more education/positive media regarding mental illness, music and movies will continue to dehumanize those who are suffering.

2009-01-20T19:14:00.000-08:00

THE SYSTEM ISN'T WORKING

I don't know what to do anymore. My brother has been in the hospital like ten times or so within the last 2-3 years. Here's the cycle. He gets admitted to the hospital involuntarily (he has schizophrenia), he stays there until he agrees to take medicine, he goes home and takes the medicine for a month or so. When he starts to feel a little better, he refuses to take medicine (like tonight). We can't reason with him due to his lack of insight. The cycle is starting again but now we have to wait a few weeks before he deteriorates and goes back to the hospital. I outline this cycle because it seems so unproductive. I personally think that the mental system is flawed. My parents are at the end of their rope. They don't want to, but are thinking of kicking him out of the house. Can you believe that a parent would have to even contemplate something like that? Does anyone know how my parents can get Assisted Outpatient Treatment? It seems like that is the only thing that could work in this situation. When someone can't understand (due to the illness) that they have to take meds to get well, should they be forced? I am so angry, confused and sad. I just want my parents and brother to have some sort of relief from all of this.

2009-01-20T10:51:00.000-08:00

"On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord."
These words came from our new president today. I hope that his message resonates with the entire country. Like I have said before, only fear will prevent us from opening our minds and our hearts.

2009-01-19T20:16:00.000-08:00

JETT TRAVOLTA: POST #2

I have received a few comments regarding my post about Jett Travolta. I wanted to apologize for coming across as insensitive. My heart truly goes out to John, Kelly and their daughter. The pain they are feeling must be absolutely unbearable. No one should have to bury their son. I wrote the post after reading an article about John's brother Joey. I gathered that Jett may have had Autism. It is speculated that his parents did not want to believe this could be the case (because of their faith-Scientology). Scientology does not recognize individuals with a mental disorder such as Autism. The religion views those as lesser humans who are responsible for their disorder. If Jett did have Autism, his parents had a chance to raise awareness since they are in the public eye. Many have used their celebrity to change public opinion about social issues (Bono, Angelina Jolie, Elton John, etc.). I do not want to place blame on Jett's parents since I do not know the whole story. It is know that his parents were treating Jett's seizures with medication. I am sure that Jett's parents loved their son more than anything. My heart goes out to them.

I found another article which discusses how Scientology, whose founder called shrinks "terrorists" and which labels mental illness a fraud, is closer than you think to implanting its extreme beliefs in the nation's laws and schools. One can only wonder if any of this is true and I do not have all the facts but this issue did strike a chord with me. A few of my family members do not believe or accept that my brother has schizophrenia. As a result, they do not support the medicine he is taking. I understand that the medicine will not cure him but I can tell you that without it, my brother may not be here today. I almost lost my brother three separate times to suicide so I do not take granted the fact that he is still here with us. Jett's passing reminded me, again, what it may have been like to lose my only brother. I don't even want to think about it. I just wish others would accept mental illness as biological/physical illness and not something you should be ashamed of. I am very thankful that my family does not follow the religion of Scientology.

2009-01-19T12:08:00.000-08:00

AN INSPIRING DREAM

Martin Luther King Jr. Day reminds us to embrace ALL people, however different they may be. He had passion and a purpose. I think of him as I continue on my journey to eliminate discrimination against those suffering from a mental disorder. Click here to view his famous last speech.